Decorating

About three weeks ago, a butch lesbian came to our house to give us a quote for decorating the lounge. She said she'd have the quote to us within a couple of days. Almost a fortnight later, the quote arrived, by which time, I'd given up hope and contacted other contractors.

All the lazy dykes, they're all the same. ROFL!

A nice man came here on Saturday. Phyllis saw him, I went out with the dogs. I'm not good with strangers. Phylly said he was really nice and seemed to know what he was doing, filling Phyllis with confidence.

Within a couple of days, the quote came in, nine hundred and seventy pounds. The lesbian was going to do less and was attempting to charge me one thousand pounds!

Now, today, another guy came. He was really posh. I wondered if he knew David Cameron. He did not fill me with confidence, suggesting things I didn't want, like a glass door to the bathroom (yeah, I really want to see my Mum's boobs when she comes to stay). His handwriting was very gay. He wasn't wearing a wedding ring. His handshake was far from firm. Poof. Gay or not, I don't think I'd engage him to do the work. He didn't seem to know his arse from his elbow and he had an air of lavishness about him. He stank of money.

So, it looks like the second guy will be coming to fix up the rooms of the house we can afford to do at the moment. That's decorating the lounge, turning the old boiler cupboard into a larder and hanging new doors upstairs.

The sooner it's done, the better. The living room looks like a bomb site. I hate sitting in there, it's so depressing. I want serenity, opulence and tasteful colours.

The guy from Behar rang this morning to say the carpet is ready. He just needs us to give him a date now as to when it can be fitted. He'll just have to wait until I've heard from the decorator as to when he can start work. The carpet has to be the last thing to go down.

Bring it on!