IBS

I've got IBS. It's been three minutes since I did a toot.

Gosh, that feels better. I now know satisfaction, like when alcoholics go to AA meetings.

This post isn't me whinging, I just want to get it all out in the open.

I fart all the time, my stools go from something like gravy to something like a golf ball - and sometimes they're normal! I wish I could do something about it. I always seem to have tummy aches, cramps and wind. It really gets on my nerves. Anyone know any miracle cures? Good things to eat which calms the bowel? Anyone got a magic wand?

I've been reading Dr Gillian McKeith's book again. She makes some good suggestions for combating loose stools and constipation - but the only trouble is, I don't know when I'm getting what. I could eat something to stop constipation, only to be having the squits that day anyway.

Another thing, I don't have a spleen. Well, I do, but it's withered. Gillian claims, in her book, that you can tell what's wrong with a person by looking at their tongue. Mine is often coated. She says this means you have a weak spleen. Yay! It's uncanny. One remedy is to take Bryonia, which I have been doing for the past week. I don't know what it's going to do to me, though. Watch this space. I did look it up on the internet and found that it seems to cure everything, it's something of a panacea. Gillian reckons she treats the cause, not the symptoms. Is there any food I can eat or medicine I can take that will make my spleen grow back?

I'm cheesed off. I don't want to be normal, heaven forefend, but I do want to be healthy.

Anyone reading this have IBS?

It's just struck me, I do talk a lot of shit.