Here are the photographs I was initially loathed to upload. Why I've done it, I'm not sure. Courage? To show I'm beyond shame? Because I'm an idiot. Don't know.Well, I'm evidently not beyond shame as I am quite ashamed about the photograph of the western style toilet with heated seat and bumwash. Look at the other photograph for the control panel. It was fabulous.
I may delete this post after five minutes, so if you're reading this, you're either lucky, or I've forgotten to get rid of it.
The last photograph is of me on a Japanese style toilet. See what I mean about it looking like a urinal that's been laid down? I don't look particularly upset, but I was. I couldn't have the door shut or be left alone. You may also be wondering where my massive tool is. I tucked it under my shirt for modesty's sake. Shame I wasn't so modest when taking a picture of the western style loo.
I'm so sorry.
If you found this post a thrill, check out Rate My Poo.
7 comments:
i think those pics are utterly fabulous. I love control panels.
And, I'm ashamed to admit, I've seen your poo before. Your wife showed me it. I didn't on purpose divert your drainage system past my hi-tech snooping lab with sub-atomic imaging facilities (you may want to check your cholesterol).
But what REALLY upsets are those blue things on your feet in pic 3. What were you thinking? BLUE? With those varicose veins? Honey that is a serious fashion faux pax. (seriously though, it's nothing to be ashamed of, us poofs are streets ahead when it comes to body art and fashion)
just out of interest (I'm not that interested, you just seem needy) On the control panel of the toilet thingummybobmajingerblahblah.
On the control panel I noticed that there is a list of instructions in both "chinky" (mine's a special fried rice) and English (who the fuck are you looking at, Spick). Did you see what I did there? Took the piss out of both the English and the football hooligans. And the Spanish slash Mexicans. And the Chinkies.
Where was I? Oh, yes, I remember it well. Those instructions in foreign.
Are they, in no particular order:
1. Poop
2. Wipe bum
3. Open canvass door and sit down.
4. Fart loudly and hope the walls aren't paper thin.
5. Enjoy heated ring. Oh, and the plastic seat is body temp too.
There is a point to all this rambling. At which stage do you actually flush that damn thing?
Those blue things were the toilet slippers! The Japanese are mad for footwear, practically a different pair for every room. It was really stressful! You can only wear toilet slippers in the toilet. You can't wear any other shoe in there and if you wear toilet slippers in any other room than the toilet, you might as well kill yourself, the shame is so much. I'm not kidding! It was really upsetting. Also, someone once accused me of wearing my outdoor shoes indoors - they were my slippers. It was all too much.
You do a shit, then press a button for a bum wash, then dry yourself with paper, stand and flush. The seat is warm the whole time.
It's fabulous. I really want one.
I've just been looking at www.ratemypoo.com as you suggested and I um utterly disgusted.
I had to stop when I got to the photo with the caption "period poo".
Period poo? Do you have the link?
believe me, you don't wanna see it. I didn't keep a copy of the link as I was busy throwing up.
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