Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The long and the short of it

Ok, I promise, this will be the last... I'll stop publishing photographs of my trip to Japan. But I just wanted to show you this.

The woman was giving me a taste of her freshly brewed tea. It was delicious! But look how wee she is! I'm not tall, only average at 5'10". What the hell was her height?

She was very nice, though, and bowed constantly. She didn't shame me into buying any, though. I just wanted to wander around the food hall of that fabulous department store eating and drinking as many freebies as I could. Shameless Minge! Still, it saved me from buying a meal. I'm such a cheap whore.

9 comments:

Blog Off said...

what woman are you on about? All I can see is some dwarf in a black fedora standing next to Lucy Lui.

And yes. You ARE a cheap common whore. That's why we love you.

Blog Off said...

By the way. Or to use it's short version (short, geddit?) What the Fuck. I mean both BTW and WTF.

You can't just leave your legion of fan hanging like that! WE DEMAND MORE PICTURES OF THAT PLACE QUITE FAR AWAY. WHERE THEY DROPPED THE BOMB THING. AND DO GOOD NOODLES.

WHY AM I SHOUTING?

Blog Off said...

you know what, I've just been staring at the picture again and I STILL can't see the woman.

But more importantly, Freddie. Was your red and green stripey jumper in the wash that day?

(ok ok, sounds like a load of drunken nonsense, and it is, but just look at that pic once more and tell me you DON'T see freddie krueger hovering over his next victim)

Blog Off said...

I've just re-re-re-read your post and something struck a chord. It wasn't a guitar or anything that fanciful but the fact that you said she kept "bowing".

Really?

Do they do that over there?

Wow, and to think I only went to the Royal Navy Officers College (In Capital Letters) just to be called "Sir". (not ma'am, thank you)

I should've just moved to Kyoto and saved myself all those early mornings and hot communual showers with 22 year old boys.

Oh, for Gawd and her sisters sake. When will it end? I am sick of being THIS funny. I need to charge people. And I don't mean run at them with a big set of horns.

You know what. That wasn't even funny. I hate myself. I'm minging, I've got at least three, or four, drink problems. I've forgotten how to wear shoulder pads successfully. There's no point in going on.

So. What time's the movie start?

Is anyone there? What kind of chat room is this? I'm sickened by it. The last time I was this ignored I found myself in a central England town. You know... Winchester. Ha. I bet you thought I was gonna say Daventry.

I'm bored and no-one's talkin to me. Cheerio.

Blog Off said...

Okay, I'm Back !!!!!! HAZZAH.

Is anyone there? No, seriously... I paid good money to Gaydar and this is all I get?

How can you call it a chat room when there's only me and dwarf in a fedora here?

I'm sickened and going to bed.

Okay. I lied.... I'll be back just as soon as I've had a piss in the waist high mini-sink.

Hey! It's not my flat, I'll pee where I like.

Ta Ta.

Blog Off said...

I'm still here.

Blog Off said...

I should go to bed but I'm having too much fun. On my own.

And that chicken soup won't freeze by itself, you know.

Still, I'm enjoying talking to myself virtually. And virtually talking to my........ oh fur fucks sake, you can fill in the blanks. You ain't stupid.

Oh no! I've just realised that I've turned into a Grade A stalker. Minge, you're not computer literate, right? You don't know how to block my messages, huh?

Good. I thought as much. I love inner dialogue. "oh, you duuurty bitch, no I won't put THAT in THERE".

See. That's why they call it "inner" dialogue.

And to think. It's only 02:58 and I don't even go to bed until 6:30am.

Blog Off said...

mmmmmmHHHHHHmmmmmmmmmmm.... I is STILL here.

In fact, I didn't acually go anywhere. I wus just lurking around in this shitey chat room to see if you wur talkin' aboot me.

But apparently you ain't talkin' aboot nuthin'. Cos there is fuck all happenening here.

This IS gaydar, right? Am I in the right place?

Where's the bar?

Minge said...

OMG! I came into this today thinking eight people had made a comment overnight - only to find I've got a stalker! It's fabulous. I always wanted a stalker. Phyllis had a stalker once, but she was a bisexual hermaphrodite with a penchant for coloured contact lenses. She'd pretend they'd fallen out and get down on all fours to find them - only she was wearing a short skirt and no knickers. She was vile, but Phyllis hero-worshiped her, the disgusting slut of a whore.

Well, now I've got a stalker, and my stalker is even more slutty! Beat that!

I do have photos of Hiroshima! Also, good on you for remembering about the noodles. I'll see if I can dig a photo out and break my promise.

Btw - it's St Valentine's day in less than a week. If I do have a stalker, I expect a Valentine card.

I am not Freddie Kruger!

Sir? Someone actually called you that? Gosh, you must have been drunk. You know the best you've ever got is being called Madam. And that's fabulous.

Show show showing out
Get fresh at the weekend, showing out, showing out
get fresh at the weekend, showing out, showing out
You'd better live in love than luxury, it's alright
And don't so dining out on foolish dreams every night
It only takes a moment to feel alright
Get fresh at the weekend, showing out, showing out
get fresh at the weekend, showing out, showing out
We can't afford to wear diamond and pearl, that's ok
wouldn't want to be that kind of girl anyway
I only takes a moment to feel alright
Get fresh at the weekend, showing out, showing out
get fresh at the weekend, showing out, showing out
I can supply you things I can provide everything
If it's the man's hand that pays the price
then you belong to me
Can't afford to buy finer things that's alright
we wont lose our heads for anything, any time
I only takes a moment to feel alright
Get fresh at the weekend, showing out,showing out