Decorating

My lounge is in an awful state. Everything in it is vile. So I'm up for a refit. If I could I'd get this man in. He's turned his wee flat into some kind of baroque palace. Can I have it that way?

I hate to say it, but I think the television spoils the look.

Living in such opulent surroundings must make you want to look OTT and fabulous, surely - so why does the wife look like she's bereft of style? She looks like a complete lesbian. If I saw her, I'd shake her, strip of her of her clothes, put her in a feather dress and paint her with mountains of make-up. There's not much you could do with that awful dykey hair style (style?) so I'd have to invest in a wig. Something big and curly, like Dolly Parton in 9 to 5.

Oh, I'm so glad to get that off of my chest. It's been bothering me for seconds.