Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Misunderstood

I've been in touch with a lot of my old school friends, all thanks to Friends Reunited.

We've been asking each other what we really thought of one another back then.

I've heard:

"I didn't think you liked me."

"You were naughty."

"You were a snob."

"I was too shy to speak to you, although I wanted to be your friend."

"You were into poetry and politics. I didn't understand it and I thought you'd think I was stupid."

"You never wanted to go out after school. Why?"

So I hear these things, but I'm still not sure what people make of me. I guess they knew, early on, as I did, that I wasn't like other boys. Not just because I was gay, but because of everything that comes along with that. The aversion to football, the joy of cooking and prefering to hang out with girls.

I often hear people say, "There's more to me than my sexuality!" Sure, but if you went to the Freud school of thought, we're all sexual beings and everything about us stems from our sexuality. Being gay is what I am. I do gay things. I sleep with men. I don't like F1 racing cars. If that means straight men, who do like F1 racing cars and the only cooking they do is burning cheap sausages on the barbequeue don't understand me, what am I supposed to do? Try to make them understand me or just leave it by the wayside? Straight women and girls also, I think, didn't have a very firm grip on me or understood what I was all about. They couldn't relate to me, although I was more like them than the other boys, because I didn't display the usual straight characteristics they saw in other boys.

I think, though, even if I was straight, I'd still not be like all the other boys. I hate to be part of the herd, one of the crowd. I think, no matter what I was, I'd go through life being minunderstood.

8 comments:

A Novelist said...

We have a website here in the states, classmates.com, and I have gotten back in touch with a lot of my old friends that I grew up with.

I know what it's like to be misunderstood. I was quite shy when I was younger, and a lot of my friends would say they thought I was stuck-up and a snob, because I was very shy and didn't speak to anyone unless they initiated the conversation. Too many people judge the book buy it's cover, and don't try and read what's inside, you know?

I wouldn't bother with trying to make your old friends (or anyone for that matter) understand who you are. If people don't accept you for what you believe in, for who you are and what you like, then they aren't worth it. True friends will be able to relate to you and will accept you for you. You seem like a fabulous individual, a lot of fun to be around and down to earth. If people misunderstand you, that's on them.

Sorry to go off on a long, philosophical comment. ;)

Minge said...

Don't apologise! I admire your viewpoint and thank you for it. You're fabulous, too!

Brian said...

I haven't done all this largely because I'm still in touch with all the high school friends that really mattered to me. Sadly, all my closest friends were a year older than me so when they all graduated, I spent my senior year alone (I know... awwww). But the fact is that we've all stayed in touch, for the most part. I've never gone to a reunion or signed up for a similar service because, well, I really don't care what happened to most of the people in my class.

That's not to say there aren't people I'm curious about but I figure there were so many people I loathed it's just not worth interaction to satisfy my curiosity about the two or three. I know. Get over it, Brian. It was 20 years ago, people grow up, blah, blah, blah. But I'm really quite happy with the friends I currently have and the ones I've stayed in touch with .

Minge said...

I'm glad for you Brian, though sad about your senior year.

I'm always hankering after the past. I live in the past. I wish I could get over it.

RIC said...

Memories, memories... Sometimes I wish I could forget. Or that only the happiest would come around. But I tend to dig up what's not exactly the most appropriate things...
But then again you wouldn't have a history if it weren't for them...
(Balance is hard.) :-)

Minge said...

Balance is hard, and shit seems to weigh heavier than fabulousness. :(

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money