Brian should now be in the lounge, waiting to board the aeroplane that's bringing him to bonnie Scotland! Well, that's actually a lie. The aeroplane will be bringing him to England. He'll catch the train up to Scotland.
What he doesn't know, and it's all hush-hush, dear reader, is that Alan will be joining us to meet our fabulous American friend from the train when it gets in to Waverley!
I promise to give a blow by blow account of Brian's visit. Well, everything I see with mine own eyes, of course. God alone knows what he'll get up to alone in the Highlands! The minutiae will be yours. No stone will be left unturned. All will be revealed. Nothing will be left to the imagination. His trip will be as an open book. I will use as many clichés as I can and give my neighbour, J K Rowling a run for her bleedin' money.