I am thirty four years old, dear reader. Yes, it's true. I can hardly believe it myself. I know I have the body and mental outllok of an eighteen year old, but I am actually thirty four.
What's worse than that, hen, is it's the most expensive time of my life!
Click here to find out why.
Think about it, I've got my children to contend with (and the fees for their elite public school have become astronomical), my wedding and honeymoon to pay for, imporvements on my châteaux, my country cottage, my mansion here in Edinburgh and holiday home on Mustique. And there's all my jewellery to pay for, too.
Can anyone lend me a few quid?
Oh, and wouldn't it be fabulous if instead of asking for a few quid, I could ask for a few Euros? What kind of country am I living in where people are so afraid of a currency? It's not like it's going to bite us, dear reader. The irony of the Euro is that if Thatcher had stayed in power, we in the UK would be using it now. Tsk.
Oh, by the way, if anyone knows why quid is a slang term for a pound and buck is a slang term for a dollar, could they let me know in the comments section? I would love that.