Tuesday, August 01, 2006

How can you expect to be taken seriously?

All of my family, at some point or another, have been afraid of my Father, usually because of his physical violence.

My Mother's fear ended, simply because, as the years rolled by, she got used to him raising a hand to her. My older brother's fear waned as he grew in years and in strength. In the end, my Father, hereafter known as the old man, was afraid of him.

My fear of the old man ended, dear reader, when I began to see him as a joke.

When I was a child, I suffered with a form of hemolytic anemia. This meant my blood wouldn't clot and I was generally a sickly child. I nearly died when I was two years old. Mum kept me alive on slices of mars bar and ice cubes. But I digress... My condition meant that every time the old man raised his had (or fist) to me, he generally put it back down again. I was not afraid of his violence, more the threat of it and witnessing his physical attacks on others.

During the final few years of his life with us, I began to see a very sad man emerge from a life of hate. He hated other people and people hated him. There was no love in the air. I also saw a hypocrite. I can give two examples, experiences my sister had with him:

With a cigarette in his hand, he told her only idiots smoked.

Whilst having an extra marital affair, he refused to let my Mum take my sister to the GP and put her on the birth control pill.

How can anyone expect to be taken seriously when they carry on like that?

Now, in my thirties, I have no time for people who take the moral highground or set themselves up as sometheing special, something better than me, who, secretly or otherwise, do things as bad as me, or, indeed, worse. These people are fools, and I don't suffer fools gladly, though I wish I did.

I'd like to think I'm not a judgemental person, though it seems that this is exactly what I am.

Nobody's perfect.


Brian said...

I'm not sure it's being judgmental if someone's every act only furthers to contribute toward your ill feelings. Some people do things we find unforgivable in our hearts. Maybe forgiveness comes with time. Maybe we're never capable of it. I think judgmental mainly comes from observing acts that don't directly affect you.

Minge said...

You're right, Brian, of course. But applying it to life isn't easy.

PJS said...

Do you know why your mother married him? Did she ever say if he was different when she first knew him?

Minge said...

Yes, she said he was a perfect gentleman when they first met, and stayed that way well into their marriage. However, when their eldest child was about twelve, a fourth child came along. I think my Father was jealous of all these children and then took a mid-life crisis. He had a lot of emotional problems himself having had very bad parents. He took his anger and frustration out on his family. Curious. He could be as nice as pie and then - snap! He'd change, like Dr Jeckyl into Mr Hyde.