Travel

Food, cars, travel.
Food, cars, travel, travel.

Oh my God! Brian will be leaving for Scotland in only three days. I can hardly believe it, dear reader.

I just know he's going to have an outrageously fabulous time. On his first night in Edinburgh, the two of us are going to see the Tattoo on Edinburgh Castle Esplanade. I hope he'll manage to keep his eyes open after all those hours traversing the wild Atlantic. I'm sure he will. If the noise of the military bands doesn't keep him awake, I will. No one can sleep through constant prods in the ribs.

It won't be long though, until he leaves us, sadly. I know, gays are so fickle. He's going on to Glasgow and then his mammoth bike ride around Scotland. I kind of wish I was going with him, but I'd never keep up. He must be very fit indeed. This makes me feel like a terrible slob. I'll get over it.

I feel terribly fat these days. The muffin top has returned. I look vile in my undies - time to go on yet another diet. My days of buying huge boxes of fabulous Belgian chocolates every saturday from Waitrose (and eating the lot over the weekend) are over.

From now on, it's health, health, health, Sweetie.

Well, I say from now on, but that's a complete lie. Phyllis and I have our own holiday coming up. We're returning to Japan after two years.

When I first went to Japan, I thought I'd lose a shed load of weight, but I did not. Indeed, I gained weight. I thought Japanese cuisine would be the epitome of healthy living. It is not. So much of it is deep fried. And I'll be eating at least two Mochi every day. And I can't see how they're good for you.

Strange - we went to Italy a few years back. We ate like pigs the whole time: ice cream, tiramisu, pizza, pasta... And we both lost weight! I just don't understand it.

Of course, all that cycling will ensure that Brian will lose weight, not that he needs to, of course, even if he eats all the bad things Scotland is known for: deep fried pizza (yes, really), deep fried mars bars (I'm not joking), white pudding suppers, haggis and clootie dumpling.

I can't eat sashimi every day that we're in Japan, but I will try to not eat all the fat-laden delights that made me gain half a stone last time.

I can't guarantee I won't eat anything terrible, but I promise to try. Oh, Minge, cut the crap, of course you're going to eat high calorie, high fat and high sugar foods. You're on fucking holiday for Christ's sake.

It's not long until we go, either! 5th September will soon come around! We leave from Edinburgh airport at 07:05 and therefore must check in no later that 05:05. Shit. Will there be any point going to bed the previous night? I suppose so as we arrive in Copenhagen at 09:55 (all times are local). We have quite a bit of time to kill in Denmark as we don't take off for Tokyo until 15:45. Last time we went to Japan, we stopped off in Copenhagen, too. We took a wee trip into the city - and I even saw a shop with my name on it. Not Tapping, of course, but Taeppa. My surname derives from this, he being a Danish Prince who also held a Principality in post-Roman Britian... But I digress. We'll have a Danish pastry (of course), troll about the city and then head back for the airport.

British Midland are taking us to Copenhagen, SAS are taking us to Tokyo (Narita). On arrival (09:35 the next day), we have to take a train and monorail across the city to Tokyo Haneda. Our flight to Okinawa departs at 15:50 and we should arrive at our final destination at 18:20. Phew! Our pals Ray and Susan are very kindly going to meet us at the airport and take us to the hotel. I want to ask them what to expect from Okinawa. I've heard it's something like a little USA - but I really want to find out for myself. Whatever it is, it's going to be exciting! Nice to go to an island in the Pacific! I've never swum in the Pacific before, and I just can't wait. I think that this will be the highlight for me. I know it's sad, but it's true.

I grew up by the sea, and apart from a three year hiatus, I've always lived within walking distance of it. I feel something like the Prince Of Tides - water and the sea have always had a huge effect on me. I feel nervous when I'm a long way from the sea. I've always felt, when looking at the sea, that there is always an escape. Just so long as there's a boat to hand, of course. I would hate to live in the middle of a large continent, surrounded by huge mountains. I'd feel so trapped. Nasty.

Anyway, back to Japan...

We're staying in/on Okinawa from 6th September until 11th. Then we fly back to Tokyo. Yes, I know, we're flying on 11th September. I can't quite believe it myself. And to make matters worse, we're flying across a sea where a certain nastly little dictator from North Korea has missiles aimed at Japan.

I'm trying not to think about it.

And with all that flying and all those missiles pointing at us, I have no desire to see any air disaster movies, especially not Alive. Any more suggestions, dear reader, for movies I should avoid before travelling? Has any airline ever shown an air disaster movie as in flight entertainment? Wouldn't that be totally wild?

We're only in Tokyo/Yokohama for one day and one night, staying with Alan, not Alan - and Mr McKissock's beautiful potato queen beau, Junya. Then we're off to Matsumoto, then Takayama, then Kanazawa, then Kyoto, then on 22nd September, everything having gone to plan, we go back to Yokohama to spend our final few days with Alan and Junya. I'm very excited to be seeing those international exotics again, lovely boys!

We end our all-Nippon-holiday and head back to Blighty (via Copenhagen) on 26th Septmeber. I will be sad. Well, of course, I'll only be sad if we actually survive the trip. I'm still thinking about North Korea...

Violence, religion, injustice and death.