Funkin' food

I'm sometimes accused of living in the past. So, today, I thought I'd prove my critics right and live in the past, even if it was for all of three minutes.

When I first left my childhood home, I moved into a house full of other homosexuals. It was ok, it was a novelty and had a fully stocked kitchen. I soon got tired of my housemates and left. I moved into a flat above a post office where I worked (the haunted one). Sadly, the kitchen was not well stocked at all. I had an oven and hob - and that was it. No kettle, no grill, no toaster.

On my first night there, I made a cup of tea using a saucepan to boil the water. Not too many brain cells required to accomplish that! But, what to eat? I really wanted toast (all I had in the cupboard was a loaf of bread and a pot of jam) - but with no toaster? Shit!

Then I had a brainwave! I remembered the old days when my cousin Sue and I would sit in front of the fire with a toasting fork, making toast, smothered in salted butter. Incidentally, coffee always tastes nicer when drunk with toast spread with salted butter. If you know why, please let me know.

I had my toast that evening and loved it.

I recreated it this lunchtime by slicing a loaf, taking one of the slices and inserting a table-fork into the bottom crust. I don't have a toasting fork because I don't have a coal fire. I held it over the gas flame on my cooker and toasted both sides. When done, I lathered it with home made lemon curd and ate the lot! It was fabulous!

I wasn't able to afford a kettle for a month, nor much else, so lived this way for an absolute age! I lost a ton of weight, that is, until a school pal started working in the chippy next door and brought me chips at lunchtime and in the early evening. She wanted something in return, but I left her wanting. If she was a he... Well, that's a whole other story!