Friday, June 09, 2006

Funkin' food




I'm sometimes accused of living in the past. So, today, I thought I'd prove my critics right and live in the past, even if it was for all of three minutes.

When I first left my childhood home, I moved into a house full of other homosexuals. It was ok, it was a novelty and had a fully stocked kitchen. I soon got tired of my housemates and left. I moved into a flat above a post office where I worked (the haunted one). Sadly, the kitchen was not well stocked at all. I had an oven and hob - and that was it. No kettle, no grill, no toaster.

On my first night there, I made a cup of tea using a saucepan to boil the water. Not too many brain cells required to accomplish that! But, what to eat? I really wanted toast (all I had in the cupboard was a loaf of bread and a pot of jam) - but with no toaster? Shit!

Then I had a brainwave! I remembered the old days when my cousin Sue and I would sit in front of the fire with a toasting fork, making toast, smothered in salted butter. Incidentally, coffee always tastes nicer when drunk with toast spread with salted butter. If you know why, please let me know.

I had my toast that evening and loved it.

I recreated it this lunchtime by slicing a loaf, taking one of the slices and inserting a table-fork into the bottom crust. I don't have a toasting fork because I don't have a coal fire. I held it over the gas flame on my cooker and toasted both sides. When done, I lathered it with home made lemon curd and ate the lot! It was fabulous!

I wasn't able to afford a kettle for a month, nor much else, so lived this way for an absolute age! I lost a ton of weight, that is, until a school pal started working in the chippy next door and brought me chips at lunchtime and in the early evening. She wanted something in return, but I left her wanting. If she was a he... Well, that's a whole other story!

6 comments:

Brian said...

I've never seen toast cooked over an open flame before. How cute.

And, no, there will be no screenings of ANY version of AMITYVILLE HORROR at any time. This movie gave me nightmares for years. I flirted with the idea of seeing the remake because it stars Ryan Reynolds who is, let's face it, VERY easy on the eyes. But when I found out they used the same creepy music as the original, there was no way you were getting me near that movie.

Blog Off said...

home made what? that looks like "I can't fucking believe she's not getting us butter" to me.

Blog Off said...

MMM mmmmmm Ryan Reynolds. 3% body fat! One night with him and I'd add a few ounces of fat to that amazing stomach.

Minge said...

You dirty buggers.

ucallmemadam said...

Who is Ryan Reynolds?

Minge said...

He's the fit one who goes a bit nutty. Isn't he?