Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Chav

Don't ask me how or why, dear reader, but I found myself watching The Jeremy Kyle Show the other morning. I just adore Jeremy's rude, patronising, condescending and holier than thou approach. I jest. No, I did watch his show...

The guests are mainly schemies/neds/chavs/red-necks.

I've noticed a theme:

The bigger the hoop (earings), the bigger the chav.

And the more a guest repeats the following clichés, the more chavish they are:

At the end of the day...
She turned around and said...
I put my hands up to that...
You don't even know me...

and my favourite:

I ain't done nuffink.

I despair. The dirty faces, BO, track suits, hair styles and sovvies I can take, but I simply cannot understand the lack of education and their complete ignorance. Children are educated for free here in the UK, you know.

I've just been marvelling at Celebrity Big Brother. Yes, it's back, dear reader. But it contains at least one chav therein: Danielle. She was Miss Great Britain, but then lost her throne because she posed nude, showing off her baps and chuff (her words, not mine) for the camera. But that's not the only reason she's famous, dear reader, oh no. There's much more to come. Yes. She's a WAG! And that means infamy these days.

But hey, you're crying foul, dear reader, aren't you? I can hear you from here. Surely, you ask, being a WAG and showing ones baps and chuff doesn't make one a chav, does it?

No.

She's got no class, no style, makes Vicky Pollard look chic and thinks that Sir Winston Churchill was the USA's first black President. These are the things that make her a chav.

I usually adore Celebrity Big Brother. And I'm sure I will this time. Just so long as the chav is the first to go. Please. And I don't think I'll be able to look at her vacant expression a moment longer. Help!

Cleo to win!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Celebrity Big Brother is worse than the normal show. It's washed up/disgraced/broke celebs wanting to get a bit more limelight. Like that "I'm a Celeb" milarky.

Mr Minge, I worry about you and your TV Habits. Maybe I'd watch it if they had a slow poisoning effect from the water or something.. "I'm a Celeb and I'm not getting out of here!" would be much more interesting...

Minge said...

Oh, Dan! Those are the very reasons I love CBB! Their sadness is my entertainment!

Anonymous said...

Dear Lord! Ignorance nowadays became worse than bubonic plague in the Middle Ages or bird flu threat these days... It spreads all over... You're right: sadness is the word...

Anonymous said...

I'm backing H or Jo to win. And yes, I think Danielle should be burnt at the stake for sheer ignorance. Winston Churchill the first US black President???

Where's my flamethrower... oh here it is, next to my WTF-ometer!

Minge said...

China, we should invest in a sack of hammers. I'm always telling Ian to take some out on the road with him to deal with bad drivers.

Ric, you are so right. Do you know the cure?

Old Cheeser said...

Saw a bit of CBB last night, only the first half though as I had to go and watch Torchwood. Naturally that took priority, althougy my hubbie filled me in on the rest later on.

Ken Russell is as mad as a hatter and it will be interesting to see how he fits in with the other housemates. Will he attempt to film the inmates of the CBB house in an art-porn type movie? Perhaps he could redo the male nude wrestling scene from "Women In Love" with H and one of the other men? Ahem ...

And the Indian actress (forgotten her name) seems like a total diva / princess. When she said "I'm special ... I'm used to having people looking at me" I thought "Get you". I can see her creating problems and refusing to do the cleaning and washing up, after all she had her "entourage" to do that before, didn't she? How will she cope?

Anonymous said...

I really am in the minority as the sole person who doesn't like LITTLE BRITAIN.

Minge said...

What's not to like?

Anonymous said...

You should come down here and sit in our starbucks, watching the chavs go about their business. David Attenborough goes into the jungle to watch his prey, so you should head into Basildonia! hehe

And Brian, I never used to think it was funny, but after watching it while sick one day, it amused me greatly. I hear that the newer seasons are going down hill now though, but not seen them yet...

Andrea said...

no but, yer but, no but,....

Anonymous said...

My problem (and maybe this is lost on people from the UK) is that it's just Saturday Night Live. It's the same 9 sketches done over and over and over with a handful of catchphrases repeated ad nauseaum. And I didn't find the sketches all that funny the first time I saw them so, guess what, they're pretty unamusing by the 27th time, where the dialogue is nearly verbatim to the first time.

Sorry. Had to say it. I wanted to love this show because it's admired by people I know who have good taste. But it's just not my thing.