My birthday happened to fall on the same day as my niece Katherine's birthday party, which, itself, was almost a week before her own birthday. Memorable events seem to have to take place on a Saturday, and if they don't, we move them.
My memorable event didn't have to be moved. My thirty fourth birthday was Saturday the third of June. I won't forget it. I've never spent my birthday in drag before. Phyllis hasn't spent my birthday (or his for that matter) in drag before. It was an arch-drag birthday - and that's fabulous.
I attended the birthday party as Our Glorious Leader as she appeared in the Hung Up video, with a few minor yet necessary alterations. The leotard was fine, but I had no desire for anyone to see my manly bulge at the front and if one bollock slipped out to the side, I'd be just mortified! So, a sarong was in order. I hope it didn't spoil the look too much.
Phyllis went as Anne from Little Britain. I won't steal his thunder and will leave it for him to tell you all about his experience on his blog.
I wasn't nervous about attending a party, predominantly full of straight people, dressed as a woman. And if I was, my excitement overshadowed my nerves! Katherine's quite open minded and so are her friends. She's been through a hippy phase and a goth phase. How many goths and hippies do you know who vote Tory?
I dressed at Kathy's house. Amy did my make up. Phyllis then soon arrived to drive me back to my Mum's house. It's only a short walk between Kathy's place and Mum's, but I didn't feel like walking the streets in daylight dressed in a pink leotard, blonde wig and heels. Anything could have happened. I might have been abducted by aliens and then they'd have got the complete wrong impression about Earth people.
Back at Mum's house, we cut the delicious birthday cake that Phyllis had made for me earlier in the day; a vanilla sponge with lemon curd filling and almond fondant icing topping. Delicious. It was a rather large cake and divided into only six portions. Our eyes were as big as our bellies, though, as no-one wasted a crumb.
Shit! It was ten to seven. We were supposed to be at the party by seven o'clock and Mum hadn't even been to the loo yet. This meant we wouldn't be leaving for at least another twenty minutes...
We were soon there. My brother-in-law, Kathy's Father, sang King Of The Road. Yes, it was a karaoke party. My heart sank. Drunk people who think they can sing, sober people who know they can't... I hoped to God that very few people would bother and the night would be left to the DJ. I was wrong, but pleasantly surprised. A fair few people sung and every other song was karaoke. Only one of the singers was exceptional and none were terrible.
Should I have a turn?
Now, I'm no singer, remember this. In fact, I'm shit. I need to give this a new spin.
I hunted through the cataloge to find something. It had to be Madonna, simply had to be. How could I sing a Kenny Rogers number dressed like this? Hung Up wasn't in there. Crap. But one other track grabbed my attention as soon as I saw it! I was soon at the front of the hall singing What It Feels Like For A Girl. I thought it was quite apt.
And the new spin? I sang it in the style of Arthur Mullard.
Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it's ok to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading because you think that being a girl is degrading. But secretly, you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you, what it feels like for a girl.
It was a fabulous party, we ate, we danced, we sang - and so did Phyllis! I'm so desperate to tell you what he sang, but I think I should leave it to him. He was the highlight of the evening, everyone agreed. I wish I could upload video here (you may be able to but I don't know how). His performance was a classic.
Kathy and her Mum (my sister) sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. They do want to have fun - and we did.