Cabinet Reshuffle

The press seems to be rife with speculation about a UK cabinet reshuffle and whether or not Ruth Kelly will keep her job. I don't think she should be ejected from the cabinet, I mean a closeted lesbian makes for interesting column inches, but I do think she should be moved. In fact, I think the whole cabinet should be reorganised to bring it bang up to date.

If I could pick the entire cabinet, this is what I'd do:

Top Bloke: Tony Blair
Keeper Of The Cash: Viv Nicholson
Abroad And Exotic Affairs: Nancy Dell'Olio
Home (and sometimes away) Character: Emily Symons
Hot-shot For Outrageousness and Fabulousness: Pete Burns
Minister For Guns 'N' Shit (also known as the handbags-at-dawn department): Christopher Biggins
Chief Whip And Spanker: Charles Kennedy
Agent For Brain-Washing, Adding-Up And Books: Katie Price
Fashion Captain: Kylie Minogue
Main Bitch: Madonna
Deputy Bitch: Ruth Kelly
Minister For Trade: Ian McKellen
Food And Booze Guru: Jeni Barnet
Babe For A Laugh: Jackie Stallone
Minister For Hair: Rula Lenska
Minister For Fags: Joan Collins
Size Queen: Jeff Stryker
Femme De Fine Fettle: Billie Piper
Minister For Haughtiness: Neil Tennant

What a fabulous government they would make.