New!

The blogosphere, dear reader, has given birth and issued a new child into the universe; a creation of my dear sister/daughter/sexymutha - Alan.

Please, my little maid, take a look at his blog and perhaps say,"Hello!"

Alan, my dear little dimpled darling, and his beau have given Phyllis and I a bed to sleep in and put food in our bellies on many a Japanese ocassion. Neither of them fart and when in possession of chocolate, they always share.

I've known Alan since our stripping days in the late 1960s. I was out of fags, broke and had no clean panties. Alan, although they were far too small for my rotund bottom and speckled with blood and poo stains, lent me a pair of his clean(ish) knickers, gave me a packet of Silk Cut and a ten shilling note. For the first time in my life, I realised someone liked me and was nice to me for that reason alone, not because they wanted something in return.

We've seen a lot and done a lot together over the years. We've had threesomes with various members of the Royal Family (Eddie loves to get spit-roasted) smuggled ferrets across the Atlantic and ran various rackets. Oh, and we blew Richard Speck! But all that pales into insignificance when I delight in the excitement that fills my belly in knowing that in just over two weeks, I'll be shoving tablet into his mouth, showering him with Irn Bru and performing our traditional scouse rôle play.

"Ooh, I'm a right dirty slut."