Monday, May 21, 2007

Portugal


I remember our holiday to Portugal, dear reader. 2003. The fuckwits. The beautiful weather. The bronzed bodies. The Iberian men. The custardy desserts.




The Lisbon Metro is a fabulous service. Trains were frequent and immaculate. Also, the route plan is easy to understand, contrasting wildly with Tokyo's which blows my tiny mind.


I'm not a Status Quo fan, though Quo or no Quo, it was margarita time. I wasn't a smoker back then, though intoxication was usually followed with a fag.


Lisbon is a beautiful city. Very clean and the people are friendly. One slightly odd fact... I was offered hashish on several occasions while making my way from one end of the above street the the other. I presume it was the drug, though cannot be sure.


The fatter of the two fuckwits liked to pose in as camp a way as possible. Curiously, he wasn't out to his parents and when on the telephone to friends or work colleagues, he strutted around the place like a neanderthal and took his voice down by at least three octaves.


The beaches on the Algarve coast were to die for. The sand was clean and soft underfoot. The sea was clear, though dreadfully cold. I'm sure, not much warmer than the English Channel, if at all. Not a big deal for Minge, though, and all I'm really used to.

What I wasn't used to, though, was being stung by a weever-fish! The bastard! My leg swelled up like a zeppelin and I was in absolute agony. Thankfully, a seaside first aider came to my rescue. A gorgeous Portuguese man, beautifully tanned, sun-kissed hair and a package to make Jeff Stryker's look tiny.


Our trip to Lisbon was a huge relief for us, affording us time away from the fuckwits whom we'd left behind in Vilar Do Golf, Quinta Do Lago. Portugal's capital and its environs exuded beauty, history and delicious food. We visited castles, markets, went shopping, ate the most beautiful meals and got tipsy on local booze. A waiter, tempting me with his liquor in a restaurant, offered me a free taste of the local liqueur. "It's like you," he said, "sweet, but strong."


Lisbon, I thought, was like a European San Francisco. A suspension bridge, trams and homosexuals. Fabulous!


I wish the UK was as outward-looking as Portugal and as proud of our explorative past as the Portuguese. I wish the British Isles enjoyed a warm climate. I wish my country was a republic. I wish we had the Euro. I think I should move to Portugal!


Our return from Lisbon, thankfully, only meant a short stay on the southern coast of the country, not because we hated the Algarve, no, but because the fuckwits made us tense and anxious.

There are many things I'd like to forget about that holiday, my love, but I shall never forget our day in Silves, our visit to Pena Palace or our drive through the empty country roads to and from Lisbon.

16 comments:

Enda P said...

Have I missed summat? Who are the fuckwits?h

Enda P said...

Never mind! Just got the link - hil-a-ri-ous!

(Now, I'll have to pretend I have other interests when I meet you in Dublin ha ha!)

RIC said...

Great post, dear Minge, if I may say so myself...
Your remarks and observations are quite right indeed! But this country is also a huge contradiction, especially these days... That's why, I guess, I some times wish I were miles away; some other, I just cannot think of any other place to live...
Then again, I'm not sure you'd enjoy moving over here...
Congrats! :-)
Come back!

Salty Sailor said...

the "fatter of the two" rofl! you're so bad sometimes and I love it!

Andrea said...

Oh god, you kill me! Fuckwits is now my all time favourite derogatory term!!

Moncrief Speaks said...

"The fatter of the two" looks as camp as it's possible to be without wearing drag.

matty said...

I'm much jealous. ...i never get to go anywhere.

...but i coulda been a contender! I interviewed with (blank) for a PA position!

...my only near claim to any level of fame.

sigh.

Stanton said...

Um....so let me get this straight. You tell us about this uber-hot guy with a package like Jeff Stryker and give us a picture of a flag?!?!?!?!?!? That's just irresponsible.

Minge said...

Oh, Enda! No! I don't mind drinking and pubs, but really, when people want to and refuse to do nothing else, well, I get a proper cunt on.

Minge said...

I would love Portugal, Ric! Would you live in Brazil?

Minge said...

Salty, I am a complete cunt.

Minge said...

Andrea - tell us about the fuckwits in your life!

Minge said...

Moncrief, the fatter of the two made Danny La Rue look butch.

Minge said...

Matty, be like Salty and get a job as a stewardess! That will piss him off! Not you getting the same job as him, but him being described as a stewardess! ROFL! I am SUCH a cunt! Solch eine Fotze! Mein lieber Gott! Shieße! Oh, you should both work for that orange airline. You could hook up, have it off in the aeroplane loos and joine the mile high club. Oh, then get married, have children and everything!

Minge said...

Stanton, I'm sorry! Who are you? Where are you? What are you? How are you? When are you?

RIC said...

Oh yes, Minge, absolutely! I would not only live there, but also I wouldn't mind dying there...
I'll post about Brazil soon! :-)