Sunday, May 13, 2007

Dancing Fib Sunday

I voke ap zis mornink, dia reedah, viz a slaitlih zore het. Oh, I don't have to keep up my vile impression of a Serbian lesbian anymore.

To celebrate Eurovision, Phyllis and I drank the champagne we were going to take to Alan's house on Friday, until he forgot he'd invited us to his homecoming party, that is! He should have been blonde!

It may be this, it may be that, but Eurovision is still wildly entertainling, even with the block/political voting and the rubbish we send year in, year out. Images of last night, will, I'm sure, haunt me for all eternity.

I'm quite disappointed. Verka Serduchka's Dancing lasha tumbai was pipped to the post by Marija Serifovic. Still, Phyllis was pleased; it was his favourite. The UK came second from last with nineteen points. For a while, it looked like Scooch were coming home with nul points again. Oddly, Malta awarded us a maximum of twelve! Was the entire Maltese population stoned last night? I've done my fair share of moaning about Scooch over the past few weeks, but the song has grown on me and we were remarkably better than some of the other trash featured last night in the East European Song Contest.

Some major fixes have to be implemented before Eurovision 2008, my love. The voting system has to be seriously amended and we have to stop sending has beens and wannabes. I'd suggest a regional contest, perhaps splitting the EBU countries into six regions (western, mediterranean, central, Scandanavia, eastern and non-European) with each region sending their top scoring three or four acts. I think it sounds like a good idea.

Phyllis and I both downloaded the score card from the BBC website last night. Using the traditional Eurovision scoring system, my results were:

Ukraine 12
Slovenia 10
Turkey 8
Georgia 7
Hungary 6
Serbia 5
Bulgaria 4
Finland 3
Germany 2
Romania 1

One might see my scores and claim any arguments concerning political/block voting are blown out of the water as many of my favourites are from Eastern Europe. No. Because most of my favourite acts were eliminated in the semi-final on Thursday which resulted in ten entrants from the former Soviet block et al. Losing Denmark was a travesty.

Before moving on to matters at hand, just a few words about each entry from last night:

Bosnia & Herzegovina - Dull.
Spain - Remember No Mercy?
Belarus - Vulgar accent and not Donna Summer.
Ireland - The poor woman couldn't sing for toffee.
Finland - Nice basque!
FYR Macedonia - Ridiculous.
Slovenia - Opera and lights!
Hungary - A tribute to Billie Ray Martin.
Lithuania - Shadow theatre.
Greece - A Ricky Martin rip-off.
Georgia - Björkish.
Sweden - Love grows where my Rosemary goes.
France - Ça plane pour moi.
Latvia - Il Divo.
Russia - A Slavic Girls Aloud.
Germany - Harry Connick Jnr on cabbage.
Serbia - Poison dwarf. Funky little dyke. Melanie Skubich. One half of Abbott and Costello.
Ukraine - Timmy Mallett on acid.
UK - Camp with delicious double entendres. Love Russ' big cock/package.
Romania - Fabulously ethnic.
Bulgaria - Would win if she could sing.
Turkey - Mr Claypole!
Armenia - Dull shit.
Moldova - Clothes from Empire Stores.

What a shame, my love. And to think, if we'd sent Cyndi, we'd have won.

Oh, and I think I saw Thomas on the telly last night. Sat in the same row as the ridiculous bint in pink were two outrageous gays waving Australian flags. Could they have been Thomas and the gay divorcee?

And so, to the real reason for a blog entry on a Sunday: Fib Sunday! Hurrah!

If you don't know what Fib Sunday is, hen, or indeed, what's going on, click here for the original instructions. Hei!

In brief:

1) I take the topic as given in last week's final entry, write a Fib and give a new topic.
2) Your reply to the topic is in the form of a Fib in the comment section.
3) You then supply the next topic.
4) The next visitor replies with a Fib on the newly given topic and then provides a new topic and so on...

A Fib is a six line, twenty syllable poem with a syllable count by line of 1/1/2/3/5/8. The only restriction on a Fib is that the syllable count follow the Fibonacci sequence. An example of a classic fib:

Spiraling mixture:
Math plus poetry yields the Fib.

Last week, Brian left us with the topic of Worshipping Ganesha whilst eating earwax-filled chocolate cupcakes and allowing Mama Cass to give you a full frontal massage using flaming maracas, a punctured inner tube, and a moon rock that was given to her by Neil Armstrong when they had that fling at the chateau in Zurich the summer of '70. No, really.

My response:

Rub here.
Hindu chants...
Make me hungry for:
Spain, cycling, Switzerland and space.

Next topic:

Lasha tumbai.


Mr. Anjou said...

Eins zwei drei
Dancing in Kiev
With that ugly mongol drag queen

Next topic:

Shake It Up Shekerim

matty said...

I think I should play EuroVision. I really do.

Not sure what I would do -- but I feel I would sparkle!

I am so lost by this challenge. You do know I really don't understand. I'm far too simple.

Let's see:

Eins zwei drei
Dancing in Kiev
With that gorgeous drag queen

...I learned to cheat with the best of them. ...or the worst depending upon your view.

anyway, next topic: Ghost of Mama Cass

I'm so out of my element and very blond. blonde? B-L-O-N --- oh, I don't know! (giggles)

Old Cheeser said...

Eurovision was a hoot - saw it last night with my mates - the usual dodgy costumes, dancing and bizarre/banal lyrices - but gutted that England did so badly. I actually thought the Scooch number was pretty dreadful on first hearing but it's grown on me a bit since. And compared to some of the other countries' entries it was a bloody masterpiece. The winners looked like a load of suited dykes.

ucallmemadam said...

That is because they were a load of dykes!

And Scooch represented the UK - not England.



Lex Ham Rand said...

Ghosts can't eat!
My zaftig spectre
dreams of chewing and swallowing.

Next topic:

Fresh cream and berries

Brian said...

the teat!
Plus berries!
Beloved summer treat.
Come join the party in my mouth.

Next topic:

Something from your "I must do this before I die" list

Conortje said...

Oohhh I agree entirely with your scoring - what fabulous taste you have :-)

Minge said...

'Fore I...
Pop my clogs.
Eating and fucking.
Let's hear it for the ladies who...

Next topic:


The Brian said...

I searched and searched for Eurovision but couldn't find it. Curse you BBC America.

Ian Thorpe said...

Hands on
My privates
Sexual healing
Is a hot, dirty miracle.

The next topic is the sound of a clock.

gab said...

i liked finland the rest were crap

The March Hare said...

I'd like you to do a review of the semi-final too. Especially curious what you thought about the Dutch entry, our well beloved Edsilia... [sob] But I thought the Serbian travestite was a good winner. I'm sorry to inform you that the UK was a well deserved loser, too... But alas, i had my two nights of mega television of the year. this is sooooo much better that football! :-)