Thursday, May 10, 2007


With you, I'll never be lonely again, mon amour! The voice of my soul has come home!

I've been searching for the face of Jesus, dear reader. And how, how long... You might have seen a photograph or two from my recent trip to the highlands of Scotland featuring my wee pal, the Buddha. Since January, I've been looking for a Jesus to also be our friend. I want to take him to Japan with me in a few weeks as I took the Buddha on holiday a wee while ago. But despair set in. I've been the length and breadth of Scotland. Not one Jesus could I find. Christ!

But I fret no more. Today, blessed am I among women. The Lord is with me. And all thanks to Krafty Bitch. The dear little dimpled darling sent me a Jesus action figure! With poseable arms and gliding action.

Stress and anxiety are unknown to me. Peace and joy are mine! I will never be afraid again. I feel love.

Oh, and as if the Jesus figure wasn't enough, Krafty Bitch was also kind enough to give me one of his family cookbooks! It's choc-full of delicious inspiration, including veggie burger potato loaf, peanut butter cookies, pumpkin pie and Japanese fruit cake! How thoroughly fabulous!

Could the day get any better? Almost! Tonight, my little maid, we're treated to the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest semi final on BBC3! With Ian's friend, the delicious homosexual, Paddy O'Connell!

I'm not sure if I'm going to love it or hate it this year, doll. The German song is the favourite with some dire swing thing. No originality. Still, there's plenty of that in the guise of this years common theme: campery! Drag queens seem to be omnipresent. I hope one of them wins. We certainly shan't. Our effort is complete rubbish. The song is as interesting as dog shit and the two men are about as tasty. The two women are as camp as knickers, but, Lord above us, that's just not enough. Offering people something to suck on or asking men if they have salty nuts does not a Eurovision winner make. Oh, how I long for the days of the dear Jessica Garlick, Sonia, Bucks Fizz, Imaani, Belle and the Devotions and Bardo!

Favourites from the past include:

One Step Further - Bardo
Love Games - Belle and the Devotions
Come Back - Jessica Garlick
Every Way That I Can - Sertab
Better The Devil You Know - Sonia
Making Your Mind Up - Bucks Fizz
and a Song For Europe entry
I'll Never Be Lonely Again - Sapphire

I might get drunk and eat a load of chocolate!

But of course, karma strikes again. To balance out all this fabulousness, there is some shit. Yes, Mr Blair has announced his resignation today. He's been a bit naughty at times, yes, but I honestly believe he's the best Prime Minister of modern times and better than any other figure in the Labour Party. Most certainly better than any bloody Tory.

The world will miss sweet Tony. You might not think so now, hen, but wait until 27th June when, God willing, Gordon Brown takes over. Dull, dull, dull. History has a vile habit of repeating itself and he will play John Major to Tony Blair's Margaret Thatcher.


Bill S. said...

They also have a Deluxe Jesus Action Figure, that comes with "five loaves of bread, two fish and a jug for turning water into wine (not guaranteed to work for real). Also features 'glow-in-the-dark miracle hands!'" Hours of fun for you and me!

I myself own the Librarian Action Figure, "with amazing 'shushing action!'"

FiL said...


One of the only things I regret about moving to Canada from England is that it is well-nigh impossible to follow Eurovision here. I am completely in the dark this year...

I usually ended up voting for some ska-folk number squalled out by the Turks or Greeks, but I was quite partial, in their eras, to Ruslana, France Gall, and Guildo. But my douze points of all time goes to Dana International. Viva la diva!!

just a girl said...

I contemplated buying a Jesus for myself. I went with shoes instead.

Kapitano said...

Considering the things kids do with Barbie and Actionman they do the same with Jesus and Mary?

Give a kid a toy, and they'll find something gross to do with it. Bet your Dollar Bottom on it.

Conortje said...

I have that very same Jesus on my Mantelpiece - he is fabulous. He used to live in the toilet but was recently promoted.