Monday, May 28, 2007


I'm so excited, I could vomit, dear reader!

Yesterday, Phyllis and I shopped until we dropped. Shirts, polo tops, trousers, shorts - and a camera (early birthday present)! With only a few more things to buy, I think we can start packing tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Then we shall be ready for the off. The land of the rising sun awaits.

This trip is less a holiday, more a metamorphosis. On leaving the UK, I shall be twenty eight years old. On my return, I shall be twenty seven! On leaving the UK, my bathroom with be vile with dusky pink hues. On my return, it will be white with funky, iridescent accent colours. On leaving the UK, I shall be eleven stones and ten pounds. On my return, I shall weigh at least thirteen.

Change, my dear.

I have so much to look forward to. I'll be seeing Alan, Junya and their puppies! I'll be staying in the Park Hyatt, Tokyo! I'll be going to an oxygen bar! I'll be going to Disneyland, Tokyo! I'll be visiting the Harajuku girls! I'll be getting drunk in an izakaya! I'll be getting a bum wash! I'll be having tea with the Emperor! I'll be eating tofu! I'll be drinking green tea!

I wonder if anyone will show me their manko this time? I've been exposed to at least one on my previous visits. I've also seen masturbation, a man on the street with his cock out and a woman sat on the bog having a shit. These, my little maid, are the highlights for me. I hope I have similar things to report on my return.

I love Japan. As I've often said, it's as close as I'll ever get to visiting another world. I love the V signs the locals make with their fingers when having a photograph taken, their shyness, the giggles of embarrassment with teeth masked by hands, the funky fashions, the streets free of chewing-gum and rubbish, the Shinto temples, the dogs in fancy dress, the art, the music (especially J-Pop) and the tiny school children who love to say, "Hello, how are you?"

Such utter fabulousness.

Oh and Frankfurt am Main en route where I'll hopefully be buying Reflections and The art of love. Interestingly, Sandra's first ever single was Japan ist weit (Japan is far). Click here to hear it (there is no video) on You Tube.

I'm waiting in the darkness. Every heartbeat is an SOS.

Missing the start of Big Brother, however, is not fabulous. I'm hoping and praying I'll be able to see the first seven days of material via 4OD/Virgin Media on my return, along with The Family Of Blood.

Sad, I know.

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