Meme time and some questions, dear reader. I received the following in an email but added one question myself. Do you know which one?
Have you felt terribly alone or isolated?
Sometimes, especially when I'd like to vent but don't want genie out of the bottle or Pandora out of the box.
When do you feel tense, nervous or anxious?
When I'm feeling hopeless and I feel hopeless when I think about the future.
Do you have someone to turn to for support when needed?
Do you feel ok about yourself?
No, but who does? I'd like to be thinner and have some kind of skill.
Ever felt totally lacking in energy and enthusiasm?
I have done, yes, usually when I want the world to just go away.
Have you ever been physically violent to others?
I once slapped someone on the face and that same someone was also once a recipient of a dashing by moi.
Can you cope when things go wrong?
I suppose I can cope, but if the question was how well, then it would be poorly. I'm like a bottle of cheap sparkling wine. I get so shaken, when I eventually pop, I make a mess all over the cellar.
Are you troubled by aches, pains or other physical problems?
Yes, every wee spot, blotch or mark means peril.
Ever considered harming yourself?
Don't think so, no.
Has talking to others sometimes felt too much?
No. I can always talk. Once I start, it's difficult for me to stop.
Tension and anxiety prevent you doing important things?
Not now, but in the past. I kept myself in my bedrrom for six months in the 1990s.
Are you happy with the things you do?
This is a strange question. I think it's asking if I'm satisfied with the results of my actions. If it is, then I am. One has to be. Getting upset over burnt toast won't deblacken it.
Are you disturbed by unwanted thoughts?
Not sure if I'm disturbed, but I am slightly troubled when the telephone rings or when the door-bell goes. I'm scared, wondering who it might be.
Do you feel like crying?
Yes. Doesn't everyone?
Who's the hottest movie star?
Isn't this a bit trivial amid such in-depth psychoanalysis? Jake Gyllenhaal
Have you recently felt panic or terror?
Yes, concerning my on-going health problems.
Do you care?
About my health problmes? Or in general? Yes to both.
Have you made plans to end your life?
At times, but I've always been to much of a coward to carry them out.
Ever felt overwhelmed?
You know, yes, sometimes life is just too much, but I think everyone can say that.
What's your sleep pattern like?
Sometimes I go for long periods of insomnia, or at least a difficulty in getting to sleep. And I have had periods, long periods, of waking up at 04:48. Bang on. Every morning.
Do you feel warmth or affection for someone?
I feel warmth or affection for quite a lot of people, some more than others.
Have your problems been impossible to put to one side?
Yes, sometimes the size of a problem is such that it squeezes everything else out. Like RMS Titanic in a swimming pool.
Can you complete a task?
I can, as long as it doesn't take too long - then my mind starts to wander. I have a very short attention span. Books either take me months to read or a couple of days.
Do you threaten or intimidate other people?
Not that I'm aware of.
Do you feel desperate or hopeless?
Yes. Especially with things over which I have no control either directly or indirectly. I know I wouldn't feel like this if I knew how to let go.
Would you be better off dead?
Probably. I know it's coming, and I often think about advice given to us by a former deputy headmaster, "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." I associate him with a string of raw sausages. Not sure why I said that.
What's the most outrageous thing you've ever done?
Pissed into someone's half full shower gel bottle. Revenge.
Do people criticise you?
No, which worries me. I'm very critical of others. Other people are good at keeping their opinions to themselves whereas I am not.
Are you good at spelling and simple arithmetic?
No, hopeless with both.
How can you win friends and influence people?
By pretending to be someone you're not and through a whispering campaign.
How can you lose friends and alienate people?
By being yourself.
Do you have any friends?
A few, yes. Not many. Quality, not quantity.
Does your family like you?
Some love me, some hate me. I'm very black and white and produce strong reactions in others.
How do you cope in supermarkets?
Not very well. I cannot stand rude cashiers and also cannot stand the temptation of the confectionary aisle. Also, I find myself in there forever going back to the beginning of my route time and time again, checking things, remembering things I'd forgotten.
Happy or unhappy?
Sometimes euphoric, sometimes depressed. Hardly ever in the middle.
Do unwanted images or memories distress you?
The armed robberies I was involved in sometimes freak me out a little. There are a few triggers that still set me off. I know how to avoid them, but, sadly, some people don't know what I'm avoiding. I can't tell them because then I'm not avoiding. Some kind of catch 22.
You're alone in your bedroom. Someone else is at home with you. They knock on your door. What do you say?
Do you fantasise?
Yes, that I am rich, have solid gold toilet and a butler.
How often are you irritablee with others?
Five or six times a day.
Are you to blame for your problems or someone else?
We all involve ourselves with others, with mutual events and their repercussions, but ultimately, we're all responsible for ourselves, for our own actions.
How optimistic are you about the future?
Not very. I'm past twenty one. It's all down hill from there.
Have you got a pot to piss in?
Sadly, no, but I do have a toilet.
What are your life goals and are you likely to achieve them?
I have no goals. Also, I have no blue sky ideas and I do not think outside the box. Psychobabble.
Are you ashamed of yourself?
I am ashamed of some of the things I've done, yes, but nobody's perfect.
Do people humiliate you?
Would you like to kidnap anyone?
No, I would not!
Have you ever taken serious risks with your health?
Yes. Unprotected sex. It is a serious risk. Deadly serious.
Have you ever harmed yourself?
Purposefully? No. Accidentally? Yes.
I thank you.