Phyllis and I have just returned from the cinema having seen Spider-man 3.
The visual effects were outstanding, though the viewer is left feeling somewhat over-stimulated and excited, verging on euphoria. Although the action is staggering, one is given a vague impression that the special effects were imagined first, realised second and then, thirdly, a story was patched together around them.
And the story left a lot to be desired. With a running time of, I think, well over two hours, one might expect a story of depth and intrigue, of betrayal, evil, twists and turns. No. Spider-man 3 tries to be a drama, and a sentimental one at that. It doesn't work. It just doesn't slot in with all the action. What we end up with is an implausible take on Diff'rent Strokes. I don't want to be patronised, I don't want a message, I don't want a moral to chew over. I don't want to think. I just want Spider-man.
Can I have him back, now, please?
I'm not a conspiracy theorist, really, I am not, though I am aware of subliminal messaging. We saw Spider-man race across a giant USA flag. We saw him tell the audience that sometimes choices are difficult, but making the right decision is important. We saw various icons and symbols of Christianity and then we saw Spider-man defeat a giant man, a man made from sand - representing the sands of the Middle East? If it wasn't so terrible, it would be cringe-worthy.
I'm just hoping I've seen something that wasn't there, though, once you've see it, dear reader, it's impossible to ignore.
Something else that was impossible to ignore was Venom, as played by the very delicious Topher Grace. Yum, yum, yum. I'm suddenly a huge fan of his work.
Spider-man 3: 6/10
And so to bed.