Food

I like food. Look at the size of me. My adoration of all things edible is blatantly obvious.

I say all things, but that's not strictly true. I don't really like eating meat at the best of times and most certainly will not eat offal. As if eating a dead body were bad enough! Many people don't stop there. No. They delve into the body caivty, reach in and grab the poor creature's organs and then proceed to cook and eat them! Oh, for the love of our dear, sweet, Lord Jesus Christ!

In fifteen days, wee Minge will be jetting off with Phyllis to the land of the rising sun. I adore Japan. I do. I love it. It's fabulous on so many levels, as close to visiting another planet as I'm ever likely to get, in this incarnation, at least. However, I have, on previous visits to that most delicious of Asian island nations, had cause for concern.

During a train journey, during 2004, I believe, going from Kyoto to Hiroshima, I opened my bento box to find something which looked not dissimmilar to a grilled mouse. On another occasion, when probing some flesh in a bowl, I heard someone make a, "Miaow!" Not knowing who was making the cat sounds, I was in no position to ask if my meal contained anything feline. On my last visit, while staying in Okinawa, Ray and Susan took us to a sushi restaurant where Ray consumed vast quantities of crab's organs.

I must say, though, that these examples of weird food are not the tip of the iceberg, but the full story of vile cuisine in Japan. For the most part, everything is delicious, beautifully presented and gore-free. Indeed, of the many reasons I have to look forward to returning to Japan, the food is very near the top of my list. In fact, second only to seeing my sexymutha. There are many more weird things one might consume outwith Japan's border.

Menudo, often eaten in Mexico to cure a hangover, is a popular tripe dish. Here, in Scotland, haggis (containing heart, liver and lungs) is widely eaten - and in vast quantities. In Wisconsin, animals' bollocks are deep fried and eaten. I kid you not, dear reader. Forget Kentucky Fried Chicken! Wisconsin Fried Balls, according to aficionados, are very tasty!

ELDERON, Wis. (AP) - Around here, it may be tough to pass up anything deep-fried.

Wisconsinites have deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. They now have deep-fried livestock testicles, too.

More than 300 people paid US$5 for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles Saturday at the ninth annual Testicle Festival at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon in central Wisconsin.

"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said.

Festival founder Nancy Fenske said the festival grew out of her late husband Roger's birthday party 12 years ago. They decided to have "a nut fry" at Mama's Place after bringing back lamb fries from a trip to Montana.

The event grew every year and now they fry up to 45 kilograms of testicles, she said.

"What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said.

Butch Joubert, 58, likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival, he said.

"After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said.

Forty five kilos of testicles, indeed! Would make any gay man's eyes water, even Jonah Falcon!

My epicurean fears about Japan pale into insignificance.

In just a little over a fortnight, Minge could be eating in any one of these establishments:

Vampire
Alice
Princess
Prison
or
Ninja

Alan and Junya (his beau), have extended to us an invitation to join them for an all-Nippon meal!

Which one would you choose, my little maid?