Who are you?
The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Shopping? Grocery store? Cart?
In a social setting, are you more a talker or listener?
That depends, darling, if I've taken uppers or downers.
Do you play Soduku?
The Japanese are kinky. I thought I was kinky, but not as kinky as them.
If abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
I taught Lulu how to spear fish! Of course I would fucking survive!
Do you like to ride horses?
I've done a lot of things I should be ashamed of, yes.
Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
I was bor after the bloody war, darling!
Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
I've been on dates with Prince Charles, John Paul II, Charlton Heston, The Dalai Lama, Ross Kemp, Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon Osbourne. Does that answer your question?
Do any songs make you cry?
My biggest hit: Run, girl, run.
Are you continuing your education?
I'm always learning new ways to get off, darling.
Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Peace comes fromt the barrel of one, darling.
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing that you'd grab?
My bottle of Mao Tse-tung's urine. He gave it to me when I was his lover in the 1970s. It was the only thing I could get to come out of his tiny penis, darling. I've kept it since 1975.
Do you think more about the past, present of the future?
I can't remember much of the 1960s. I know it's a cliché, but I can't, darling. The 70s, yes, but hazy. I have no idea what's going on now. So it must be the fucking future. I predict a new world order. A thousand flowers will bloom where I fall!
What was your favourite children's book?
The Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelly.
What colour are your eyes?
How tall are you?
1.91 metres. 1.82 metres when not in heels.
Where is your ideal house located?
In San Francisco, darling! All my friends are there, the vile, the beautiful, the erotic, the well-read, the eccentric. And the comatose.
Have you ever taken pictures in a photo-booth?
My photographer is always messing about in my box.
When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
I haven't seen her in years.
Where was the farthest place you've travelled?
Vietnam. It was a blast.
Do you like mustard?
I'm not into any form of gas.
Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Neither! At table, séance, in bed, fucking!
Do you look like your mom or dad?
I don't know what dad looks like. Mom didn't know either.
How long does it take you in the shower?
To do what, darling?
Can you do the splits?
Yes, though I must remember to wear my knickers. Yes, like suction cups on a polished marble floor. You get the fucking picture.
What did you do for New Year?
I was over at George W Bush's place. Don't tell anyone. It was always my fantasy to suck off a President. I gave him one of Opa's old oil fields. He was putty in my hands after that. He said he'd give me the moon and stars if I would be his wife. I asked him, then, about Laura. He told me she was a frigid lesbian. At least I'm not frigid.
Do you think The Grudge was scary?
My grudge? Certainly! I could scare Brezhnev, darling!
Do you own a camera-phone?
I own everything, darling!
Was your mom a cheerleader?
Mom loved balls. Mom loved men. Yes.
What's the last letter of your middle name?
You're confusing me.
How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
A night? You mean, you think I sleep at night time? Not during the day? Shut up!
Do you like the Care Bears?
I think so, though I don't think I've ever voted for them.
What do you buy at the movies?
Condoms, lubricant. You know.
Do you know how to play poker?
Poke what? Oh, that? Sure!
Do you wear your seat belt?
Yes, shame Princess Diana never listened to me. Her driver did. He wanted two hundred dollars worth.
What do you wear to sleep?
A little blusher and perhaps some mascara. Oh, lipstick and foundation, too. I'm into mousse these days. It's so light on the skin, I hardly know I'm wearing it!
Anything big ever happen in your home town?
Sure, I was born, darling!
How many meals do you eat a day?
Is your tongue pierced?
Everything has something in it, darling!
Do you always read MySpace bulletins?
And this means...? Nein, Schatz.
Do you like funny or serious people better?
Ever been to LA?
I live there, you stupid man/woman/thing!
Did you eat a cookie today?
What's with this eat thing? Stop it!
Do you use cuss words in other languages?
Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Do you hate chocolate?
I have no fucking idea who she is. Does she sing or is she a designer? If she's into me, she's fabulous.
What do you and your parents fight about the most?
We don't fight. Mutter ist tot. She was on a day-trip to Chernobyl.
If you could have any job, what would it be?
Are you easy to get along with?
Yes, I am easy.
What is your favourite time of day?
What is this obsession with daytime? I hate it! Fuck daylight! I want the night!
This meme is pinched from Moncrief Speaks. Click here to read the original.
Now YOU are tagged. Yes, you!