Friday, December 01, 2006

?

I've not been a very good blogger, recently, dear reader. Go on, tell me to my face. I can take it.

I do have an excuse, though.

The truth is, I've been worried - and that's the understatement of the century.

I've been going back and forth, over the past month or so, to my GP. A lump came up on my tongue, which in turn became a crater, which in turn, began to bleed.

After a few episodes of crossed wires and/or thoughlessness, I, yesterday, went for an emergency appointment at the Ear Nose and Throat Department, Lauriston Buildings, Edinburgh. It's in a building which used to make up part of the former Edinburgh Royal Infirmary before it moved to Little France.


I knew the reasons I was going. I was as prepared as I could have been, and as scared as I could have been. On making the appointment for me, my GP used long, scary and horrible words on the telephone with the registrar. I knew all the by-words for cancer and tumour.

So I saw the registrar yesterday. He was very nice. Jamie, was his name. He wanted to put me at ease, patting me and stroking me on the shoulder on more than one occasion. I can't say it worked. His actions simply promoted the idea, in my mind, that there was indeed something to worry about. When asking my GP if there was something to worry about, her having arranged an emergency appointment for me and using all those nasty words, she responded, "Oh, it's probably nothing."

I asked Jamie, point-blank, if he thought I had
cancer. His reply wasn't really to my liking, though it could have been worse.

"You have a small tumour," he said. "It could be benign, it could be malignant. It's about a fifty fifty chance."

Did he study the same don't scare them course as my GP? Her saying, it's probably nothing meant
it's probably something. Did his fifty fifty comment mean highly likely? Who knows, dear reader?

I might find out today, once my trip to Little France is done. Having said that, it might take a fortnight. I'm not sure why nor how, but these are the things I can remember.

We live, we die and we forget that all in between is temporary. When we remember, it comes as something of a jolt.

My fabulous boyfriend, Ian, spent yesterday and the day before with me at home and at the hospital. I feel more settled now, knowing what's coming and how long I might have to wait for the answers to questions I might not necessarily want to ask. He's at work now, thinking of me, as I get ready to take the bus to my fate.

I'm not crying any more. I've not done so since last night. I'm used to the idea, I suppose, that is all. I'm not feeling optimistic nor brave. Just used to the idea.

So I'm sorry for not being a good blogger, dear reader. I hope you can forgive me. And I will be trying harder in future. I just hope I'm given reason to look to the future.

It's strange, in the comments sections of recent posts, people have been speaking about tongues and death. One wonders how much of ones subconscious leaks out into ones conscious life.

22 comments:

sinner said...

my thoughts and very best wishes are with you my friends

Fee said...

Love you hon. I have everything crossed. No really, everything ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh Minge, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. Know that I am just an email away if you need to talk. xoxo

Rand said...

I will think positive thoughts and send them your way today, Minge.

I know it won't be fun but you CAN do this and things will work out.

Moncrief Speaks said...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

RIC said...

You'll get over it, Minge, I'm sure! Whatever it may be, either or... Because you have a very positive mind and a great attitude towards life! You'll see!
(Just a small request: would you be so kind as to change the title of this post?... Thank you so very much!)
All my thoughts are with you!
Best wishes!
Hugs!

Anonymous said...

sending you good thoughts!

Anonymous said...

Blimey matey... Me and Jo are sending you lots of love and good thoughts and suchlike, with everything crossed that it's the lesser of two evils :)

Hang in there :)

Anonymous said...

Well, I came to this blog for the 1st time a very little time ago. But I can see you're a very strong person.
I'm sure you'll be able to defeat any kind of supposed health problem. And don't forget, it's only supposed.
You'll be OK, you'll see.
Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Oh Minge, I really hope it turns out to be nothing.
xx

Anonymous said...

Oh Minge, I really hope it turns out to be nothing.
xx

Anonymous said...

There's nothing any of us readers can really do to help, medically or emotionally. But you know we're thinking of you, and crossing our collective fingers for you.

Anonymous said...

I'd be quiet to if I had this to think about. You need to take care of you first and not worry about us.

Cross the pond good thoughts sending your way.

Minge said...

Thank you, all, for your kind thoughts and good wishes. I had the biopsy. Now I wait. Trying to think positive. Your kind words were no end of help in this matter. Thank you, again. Kisses.

stickola said...

Sending my love,

Nicki xxx

Anonymous said...

Bugger! My thoughts are with you, sweetness!

gab said...

will be thnking of u as always xxxxxx

RIC said...

Thank you!...

Anonymous said...

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I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....

Anonymous said...

A hand job?

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Sending healing vibey things your way.

mwah