10 and 50 and 1000

This is my one thousandth post, dear reader! I'm dedicating it to two of those copy and paste thingies. Some call them memes. After finding out that this is very bad, I can no longer bring myself to name them this way. In future, I shall call them thingies.

So, I've two do do, dear reader - and so do you, since I'm taggin' ya.

10 things I'd never do:

1. Eat my own poo
2. Drink my own urine
3. Wear blue blusher
4. Take hardcore drugs
5. Lick anyone's cunny
6. Touch anyone's cunny
7. Sniff anyone's cunny
8. Look at anyone's cunny
9. Hear the noises anyone's cunny might make
10. Have a sex-swap

Thanks, China.

Other things I'd never do:

I'd never wear anything that wasn't fabulous. I'd never go to Margate for my annual holiday. I'd never let Gary Barlow suck my cock.

Fifty questions from Moncrief Speaks:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

Is it cancer?

2. How much cash do you have on you?

Not a penny. I'm broke.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"

Pour.

4. Favorite planet?

Earth.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile telephone?

Ian, my beau.

6. What is your favourite ring tone on your mobile telephone?

Either I should be so lucky (Kylie) or Flamboyant (Pet Shop Boys). I can't decide.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

Just a plain white t-shirt (M&S). Underneath my pale blue Guernsey which I've worn two days on the trot.

8. Do you "label" yourself?

Yes. Although some people might balk at the very idea, I think everyone does it to some extent. Even if it's a simple, "I'm not very good at getting out of bed in the mornings."

9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing?

I'm not wearing any shoes. However, we're soon to be going out to the supermarket and I'll wear my Clarks slippies.

10. Bright or dark room?

Dark. It's North(ish) facing and the sky is as black as the ace of spades. It's going to hammer with rain at any moment.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

He's fabulous, thoughtful, intelligent, well-read, intuitive, level-headed and reasonable. Oh, and there are some great phtographs of him washing (naturally, in the nude) in the woods on his blog.

12. What does your watch look like?

I stopped wearing a watch a while back.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was watching Donnie Darko. In my lounge. I have it on DVD.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

Just left office. Are you able to talk? Lubloo x

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

I have no idea. I don't even know if they operate in the UK.

16. What's a word that you say a lot?

"Exciting." Usually in conjunction with, "Nice to..." For example, today, on the telephone, I said to my old pal, Robin, "Exciting, nice to have a load of men in your house showing off their helmets."

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

Phyllis

18. Last furry thing you touched?

My pubic area.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Lots of coffee.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?

One.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

Seventeen. Not an adult, not a child. All the thrills of being a grown-up with none of the responsibility.

22. Your worst enemy?

Procrastination.

23. What is your current desktop picture?

Babsy.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Ah! You brought me a cake?

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

To fly, just so long as it wasn't a trick question and I'd be given an aeroplane ticket.

26. Do you like someone?

Yes, in fact, I like quite a few people. Is that not normal?

27. The last song you listened to?

Overture/Theme from S'Express - S'Express

28. What time of day were you born?

I can't be specific, but it was late afternoon, early evening.

29. What's your favorite number?

Sixty nine.

30. Where did you live in 1987?

West Howe, Bournemouth. I would have been fourteen/fifteen years old and having the time of my life. I loved 1987. I had two boyfriends in close succession, was getting on really well with everyone in my typing class and Pet Shop Boys went to the top of the charts with It's a sin. Michael Dengate and I used to argue over who liked it best, me or him.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

Yes.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

Je ne sais pas.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

Sitting in my living room, reading the newspaper. Ian was working from home. Someone called on the telephone. "Put the telly on! Now!"

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

Piss into the machine.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

Not really, no.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

Had to? How would that be possible if I could choose where it went? This question makes no sense to me, but I'll answer it anyway: On my cock. See, ask a silly question, get a silly answer.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

Serbo-Croat. No-one would believe me.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Yes, have done so. Moved here to Edinburgh in 2000 to live with my beau.

39. Are you touchy feely?

Yes, ask Gabby.

40. What's your life motto?

Most people are cunts.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

I can name nothing that I have on me at all times, unless we're counting skin - which would be plainly ridiculous.

42. What's your favorite town/city?

Washington DC.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

My bus ticket when I came home from the hospital on Friday.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

I sent my Mum a note with some money, last month. I told her to buy herself some flowers. Babsy had just died. It's pointless having flowers sent to Mum as she doesn't always hear the door bell and getting things re-arranged for delivery is a nightmare.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

Proudly, I can say that I can't.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

That he was married with an army of children.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

John Tapping married Ann Dadley in 1711. However, I know Tapping is derived from Taeppa, a Danish King with a Kingdom in present day England. On my Mother's side, I can only go back as far as 1837 to John Bartie. He was born in Nenagh, Eire.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

I'm not really sure what fancy means in this context. Guessing, I'd say the last time I ironed a shirt was to go to Fee's birthday party. She's a good friend of mine who lives in Greenock. I adore her.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My tongue.

50. Have you been burned by love?

Yes.

I'm tagging you, now, dear reader! Ha!