Now that her husband's been ditched by the England team, Victoria Beckham has been forced to go shopping in Oxfam.
Perhaps she'll no longer look like a dog's dinner? Oh, no, hang on, she'd have to get those weird plastic domes removed from her chest first, then have a head transplant.
I wouldn't hold your breath, dear reader.
Do you think, hen, that those nipples are as fake as the tits? They're like fucking coat hooks or blind cobblers' thumbs. I bet she pops iced gems down her bra, the vile little slut.