Ice-cream-queen

Phyllis is the ice-cream-queen. Ask him what he thinks of gelato, and he'll reply, "I love it!"

Hot in the city

Mary admires Gandalf's staff.

Meg and I on Blackford Hill before Arthur's Seat and Salisbury Crags.

Helicopter

I was a helicopter virgin before today. But now, I am no longer. My rotary-wing hymen has been broken. My Sikorsky cherry has been popped.

I took a few photographs whilst cruising around over Edinburgh, one of which can be seen to the left, and extensive video footage. I had no idea how the video would turn out as I couldn't actually see what I was recording, the sun shining directly on the viewing screen, but it seems to have turned out ok. The soundtrack is a bit rough, though: just the drone of the engines.

I was actually given this helicopter ride as a Christmas gift.

Christmas seems like such a long time ago, now. Or does it? Not sure. Time seems so fluid these days. Does time fly by or does it drag? Sometimes, May feels like a month ago. Sometimes it doesn't.

But I digress...

Flying in a helicopter isn't all it's cracked up to be. You don't get the same thrill you get in an aeroplane. There's no sense of thrust. How can you have fun with that big chopper, but no thrust?

Doctor Who in 2007

Click here if you want a clue or two about what to expect in next year's Doctor Who.

I get misty

We went out to dinner last night with Tim and Anthony. The venue: The Olive Branch. It was fabulous.

I asked for a Margarita on arrival. They couldn't make one. I don't know why because they had limes on the counter, they had tequila and various orange liqueurs. Perhaps they didn't know the recipe. I'd have given it to them, but I'm shy. Don't look at me.

Poor Tim didn't get a drink at all. He wanted gin and bitter lemon. Sadly, The Olive Branch were sans bitter lemon. So that was that. Anthony had a bacardi and coke, Phyllis a gin and tonic. Tim noticed that I was enjoying my Margarita replacement: tequila and orange juice. I drank half of it in less than a minute. I think I was drunk already. This reminded me of when an old pal Barry and I went to a Mexican restaurant, years ago... I ordered a jug of Margarita. The food took so long to arrive, that I was totally drunk by the time we were served. The waiter plonked the food down in front of me and I just laughed, manically. I didn't eat a thing!

I did eat last night, though, and almost everything. I took a long time over the eating, noticing that everyone had finished their main course and I was only mid-way through mine. Why? Because, shamelessly, I'd monopolised the conversation yet again. I do tend to ramble and yabber on. I need to be kept in check.

We did have a laugh though, a very enjoyable evening. We taked about a lot of things, school, Eurovision, The Scottish Parliament's restaurant, lesbianism, people who share our names... Anthony and Tim are very nice people and quite funny, totally fabulous.

Oh, and I ate all my pudding! I was a good boy.

Sadly, we didn't see anyone famous.

It had been a misty day in Edinburgh. We couldn't even see the castle when we got off of the bus on Princes Street. I suppose it wasn't misty at all but foggy. And damned cold! Could it really be June!?!? Christ! I wish I'd worn my big coat last night instead of that bloody flimsy jacket. I had nipples like a blind cobbler's thumbs.

It was still foggy when we left the restaurant and the walk to the bus stop was a nightmare. Cold! We got to said bus stop but decided to walk to the next one as we had a ten minute wait. Standing in the cold and fog was not a prospect to relish. So, off we walked to the next stop, arriving there with a three minute wait for the bus. It was ten bloody minutes late! Shiver, shiver, shiver!

I got home, watched the repeat of Big Brother's Big Mouth on Channel 4, looked for Tourette Syndrome Barbie on the internet, let my ladies out for a final wee wee and went to bed.

We had wine with our meal also, I think about half a bottle each. I'm just not used to drink anymore. I was drunk. I'd say pissed as a fart, but:

a) that's quite vulgar

and

b) how can a fart be pissed?

I just don't get it.

I thought I'd wake up with a headache this morning, but I didn't. I think I've discovered a way to avoid a hangover, and totally by accident. Have a big glass of pineapple juice before going to bed. Ok, it's probably coincidence, but one never knows, does one.

Oh, and not a fuckwit in sight.

Tourette Syndrome Barbie

Barbie has Tourette Syndrome.

Click here to find out more.

Dead

Has anyone ever killed anything/anyone dear to you?

Please click here.

Do you suggest retaliation?

A spell? A petrol bomb? A prayer? Meditation? The planting of a new tree?

I'd suggest an axe, but I'm feeling spiteful today.

Funkin' food

I'm sometimes accused of living in the past. So, today, I thought I'd prove my critics right and live in the past, even if it was for all of three minutes.

When I first left my childhood home, I moved into a house full of other homosexuals. It was ok, it was a novelty and had a fully stocked kitchen. I soon got tired of my housemates and left. I moved into a flat above a post office where I worked (the haunted one). Sadly, the kitchen was not well stocked at all. I had an oven and hob - and that was it. No kettle, no grill, no toaster.

On my first night there, I made a cup of tea using a saucepan to boil the water. Not too many brain cells required to accomplish that! But, what to eat? I really wanted toast (all I had in the cupboard was a loaf of bread and a pot of jam) - but with no toaster? Shit!

Then I had a brainwave! I remembered the old days when my cousin Sue and I would sit in front of the fire with a toasting fork, making toast, smothered in salted butter. Incidentally, coffee always tastes nicer when drunk with toast spread with salted butter. If you know why, please let me know.

I had my toast that evening and loved it.

I recreated it this lunchtime by slicing a loaf, taking one of the slices and inserting a table-fork into the bottom crust. I don't have a toasting fork because I don't have a coal fire. I held it over the gas flame on my cooker and toasted both sides. When done, I lathered it with home made lemon curd and ate the lot! It was fabulous!

I wasn't able to afford a kettle for a month, nor much else, so lived this way for an absolute age! I lost a ton of weight, that is, until a school pal started working in the chippy next door and brought me chips at lunchtime and in the early evening. She wanted something in return, but I left her wanting. If she was a he... Well, that's a whole other story!

Hung Up

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait.

No time to hesitate!

Hate

Some people hate me, I'm sure. Of that, actually, I have no doubt.

But!

What they don't know is this:

I hate them more than they hate me.

West End Girls

I had a very nice surprise in the post this morning. A fabulous wee package from CDON: West End Girls/Goes Petshopping.

It's fabulous.

Each track has been remodelled with love. You can hear the affection the girls have for the songs.

The whole album gives a Very slant to Pet Shop Boys' back catalogue which is interesting when hearing the ten pre-Very tracks, but spooky when listening to the one and only post-Very song on the album, You only tell me you love me when you're drunk.

Ten out of ten.

A brilliant album - but what for West End Girls now? More Pet Shop Boys cover versions? Original material? McDonalds?

Bra

What did my neighbours think when they saw a bra on my washing line?

Do they think Minge wants to be a lady?

18

My niece, Katherine, is eighteen years old today. I'd wish her many happy returns here, but she won't be reading it.

None of my family know about my blog, which is good. I can bitch about them with confidence, safe in the knowledge that they'll never know what I'm saying.

And I have a lot to say.

400

Signs that it's Summer:

There are lots of pink flowers in the garden.
I can wear shorts without shivering.
The washing dries on the washing-line without the need for a visit to the tumble-dryer.

Incidentally, this is my four-hundredth post.

Stonehenge

We went to Stonehenge but were too mean to pay to actually go in.

You can see it just as well from the roadside if you look through the fence.

Twenty seven or thirty four?

As you may or may not know, dear reader, it was my birthday last Saturday.

Here's a question for you:

Was I thrity four years old and received twenty seven birthday cards or was I twenty seven years old and received thirty four cards?

Go on, flatter me. You know you want to.

Cycling en Ecosse

If you want to cycle from Fort William to Inverness (or the other way around) then click here.

It's fabulous.

I'd love to do it myself, but I think I'd die after twenty minutes.

I used to be fit, but those days are long gone.

Fags

I haven't had a fag in seventy two hours.

What do you think?

I still feel like a complete bastard, but not like I did yesterday, when I was feeling like a total bastard.

Will I make it this time?

Does God exist?

The centuries old question of whether God exists has been answered for us once and for all by a brave Ukrainian man.

This unnamed 45 year-old philosopher took a rope to Kiev Zoo last Sunday and used it to lower himself into the lions den, where he proclaimed "God will save me, if he exists."

Then one of the lions reached over and grabbed him by the throat, instantly killing him.

Beach bums

This is the first photograph Phyllis took on the beach after joining me for my second week in Dorset.

It was a strange day, not overcast, but all the disadvantages of an overcast day for half an hour and then ten minutes of strong sunshine. Hence the towel and cardy in this picture.

I was wearing a white t-shirt, too. It got covered in dog hair. Mary thinks she's a lap dog. She loves to cuddle-in. Meg likes to be stroked, but she's not really into cuddling. She writhes around and gets over-excited and often ends up barking. She's a proper krank.

Kwestchuns

What would you do if you weren't doing what you're doing now?

As in a job? Probably something dull like selling insurance or mortgages. Before I left my last job, I'd applied for a post in head office in the share trading office, so who knows where that might have taken me...!? I'd have hated it though as I detest materialism. I only ever worked in finance because I knew nothing else. I was good at maths and good at convincing people to do things they didn't either want to do or didn't know they wanted to do it. I just drifted into that field of work but always loathed every second I wasted on it. I always dreamed of being a writer or a concept artist.

What is your guilty pleasure?

It used to be smoking. Now, um, I don't think I feel guilty about any of the pleasures in my life. Oh, unless it's going to bed late and getting up late. I had years of getting up at six in the morning and going to bed at nine at night. I'd never do that again.

Who or what inspires you?

I find it difficult to be inspired by anything or anyone. I'm an old jaded cunt.

Who are your heroes?

My Mum. She brought me up on next-to-no money, but we laughed every day, and hard, often until we cried. Other heroes are people who give blood and anti-vivisectionists who seem to be getting bad press recently. Why are we vilifying people who are standing up for creatures who have no voice? Wouldn't you want someone to stand up for you if you couldn't answer back and were about to be cut up or injected with poisons?

How do you work?

Work? I listen to Mama Cass and it's a mantra... You've got to go where you want to go, do what you want to do with whoever you want.

What gets you down?

Vile right wingers, Daily Mail readers and the television media who seem to be obsessed with asylum seekers and economic migrants. It's pathetic.

What is the soundtrack to your life?

A bunch of sad love songs, I guess...

For the good times - Perry Como
For all of us - Pet Shop Boys
Time heals everything - Bernadette Peters
Viva forever - Spice Girls
Heartbreaker - Dionne Warwick
You won't forget about me (afterlife mix) - Dannii Minogue
Stand by your man - Tammy Wynette
If you don't love me - Prefab Sprout
I don't want to talk about it - Everything But The Girl
Love is a catastrophe - Pet Shop Boys
Love games - Belle And The Devotions
Someday I'll find you - Shola Ama/Craig Armstrong
Messaggio d'amore - Matia Bazar
Don't you pay them no mind - Nina Simone
I will always love you - Dolly Parton
Love, truth and honesty - Bananarama
Something stupid (seven inch) - Inga Humpe

I could think of a thousand more.

What is your dream?

To find complete happiness. I know it's possible. I can almost feel it.

Friends of Dorothy

Some more photographs from the party... As you can see Katherine went as Dorothy from The Wizard Of Oz.

Do you think her having a gay Uncle had anything to do with her choice of character?

Don't you just adore her shoes? She painted them with red glitter herself. The rest of the outfit was handmade by her brother's girlfriend, Hannah. She's a wizard with a needle and thread. Why is that sentence completely turned around if I replace wizard with witch?

Girls

This is my sister, Christine, and I. Another photograph taken at my niece's eighteenth birthday party.

She walked like an Egyptian. I knew what it felt like for a girl.

Click here for more info.

Horse

There is a common opposite my Mother's house (the green-fronted building in the photograph above) upon which horses live, well, Dartmoor ponies to be precise.

Is a pony a horse?

Anyway, I hate horses. I find them scary and unpredictable.

Why do people like horses? What is there to like? Please tell me because I'd love to know.

Flowers

Mum had some poppies and irises in her garden while I was there. I think they're really pretty and add a sense of wilderness to an otherwise contrived environment.

My Cousin is a Grandmother

My Cousin, Sue, has two Grandchildren. These are them: Aidan James and Caitlin Paige.

They are both camp, OTT and full of energy. And that's fabulous.

Big Brother: Pete

Pete from Big Brother is in a band called Daddy Fantastic. Check out the gallery on their website.

It's fabulous.

Pete to win!

Two divided by zero

I just heard Paninaro (I had iTunes on random) and thought about Chris' statement about not liking rock 'n' roll, rockabilly, country and western etc...

What do I like and what do I dislike?

What's Minge all about?

For a start, I'm a Gemini. I don't know if I'm a typical gemini or not as I don't know what a typical gemini is, so I'll leave you, dear reader, to make up your own mind. I'm fickle and loyal, all at once, and that does sound rather gemini, doesn't it!?!? I'm a non-conformist. I'm a leader and a follower. I'm nervous and highly strung. Am I a typical gemini? If I'm your friend, and you're good to me, I'll be your friend for life, but piss me off too many times and I'll never talk to you again.

I prefer flying to sailing.

I get addicted to things easily.

I'm a communicator. I can chat the hind legs off of a donkey.

I don't like hard rock. I love disco.

I'm kind to animals and I think eating meat is wrong.

Having said that, I'm not a political vegetarian. Far from it. I think people should do as they see fit. I'm against abortion, but I'm also pro-choice. I think it should be the mother's choice.

I think I'm a total gemini. Aren't we supposed to have two personalities or something like that? Anti-abortion but pro-choice? That must be totally gemini!

I'm 5'10", I have short cropped brown hair, brown eyes, am average build, eleven stone (I don't know what that is in kilos, sorry) and have very hairy legs. I usually have a hairy chest, too, but I just shaved it all off! I was worried I'd look daft dressed as Our Glorious Leader with a hairy chest.

I'm a total Europhile. I hope and pray that one day we'll live in the United States of Europe. But I'm not as big a Europhile as I like to claim as I don't know how many kilos I weigh. See above. Oh, I think I'm more than a typical gemini. I'm a stereotypical gemini.

I live in Edinburgh with my partner of six years, Phyllis (real name Ian) and our two daughters (they're actually dogs) Meg and Mary.

I like art, namely paintings and offbeat movies. I don't really like watercolour and have never been able to understand why.

I have idols. They include:

Pet Shop Boys
Edith Massey
Our Glorious Leader
Judy Garland
Liza Minnelli

I can't understand people who eat liver and other offal. It boggles my mind.

I like reading. I might read book after book for six months and then not read another thing, not even a newspaper for another six months.

Some people have been known to call me a wanker.

I try to understand religion, but am yet to even get my head around it. I think it's an on-going process. I hope I've got it sorted before I die.

As I mentioned before, I adore Pet Shop Boys. I also love Our Glorious Leader, Kate Bush, Army Of Lovers, Sophie B Hawkins, Bent, Liza Minnelli, Judy Garland, Dusty Springfield, Kylie, Dannii, Samantha Fox (I'm not joking), Billie Ray Martin, Nina Simone, Saint Etienne, Donna Summer, Cher, Kirsty MacColl, The Supremes (better sans La Ross) and Kym Mazelle along with many, many more.

I hate Black Sabbath.

I love Lindt chocolate as well as anything from Switzerland, Belgium, The Netherlands, Fance and Germany. I loathe all British chocolate (especially my pet hate: Cadbury) except Galaxy and adore Galaxy Caramel. I also like chocolate covered cinder toffee and turkish delight.

I adore all flowers and love how Spring sweeps into Summer. I can't understand people who claim that the Autumn is their favourite season. They usually cite all the lovely colours. How ridiculous. How can anyone love a season where everything is dying back, the days get colder and shorter and the black days of Winter are only just around the corner? Of course, they don't love the Autumn at all. They're members of the glass half full brigade and try to see good in everything. It's pathetic. Sometimes, there's no good to be seen. Be a realist. Please.

I think it's time I found and listened to No Matter What Sign You Are by The Supremes.

Capricorn, Scorpio, Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Cancer, Pisces, Leo, Libra, Airies...!

Smoke

I haven't had a smoke in over forty eight hours and am now ready to either murder someone or kill myself.

I thought, after the initial day of grief, it would get better. But I feel worse than yesterday. I feel tense, agitated, nervous, twitchy, depressed, angry, narky, bitchy and frustrated.

I may go out into the back garden and scream.

Help!

Paula Page

C'est moi and Paula Bath - though she'll always be Paula Page to me.

It was fabulous to meet up. We chatted about school, the bullies, the closet cases, the dramas, our outrageous follies... It was great.

We left Oakmead in 1988, though on meeting, I had to pinch myself, reminding us that 1988 was a very long time ago and we were no longer there.

Sometimes, school felt like a war, sometimes it felt like a board room, sometimes it was like a package holiday - most of the time it was like a mental institution.

Adelle

This is Adelle, Rachel's sister.

I think she's a very brave little girl, very strong. She's blind in one eye and for all of ten minutes a day, wears a patch over her good eye in an attempt to get the blind one to work.

How frustrating must that be?

I think the girl deserves a medal.

Adelle could moan and cry all day, begging to have the patch taken off so that she can see. But she doesn't. You don't see such levels of patience and endurance in many seven year old children, let alone those with severe disabilities like this.

I think Adelle is fabulous and is a shining example to us all. She's glad to be alive, glad to have her family, her toys and enjoys making people smile. For the best part of the day, she's blind. But she's happy. Lots of us around the world are a million times better off than her, yet we moan, complain, cry and claim not to be happy. I've got a lot to be happy about and am very happy I had the good fortune to meet such a wonderful girl.

Rachel

This is Rachel. She is Paula Bath's youngest daughter.

I recently met up with Paula when I was in Bournemouth. We actually met in Boscombe. I hadn't seen Paula in eighteen years and was worried that I wouldn't recognise her. I needn't have worried. She hadn't changed a bit. And I told her so. She didn't say the same to me. Obviously, I have changed quite a bit. I've put on weight, a lot of my hair has fallen out and I've taken to wearing spectacles full time instead of only when looking at the blackboard.

Rachel was a wild child.

I bought her a drink (Ribena) and a chocolate muffin. She licked all the icing off of the muffin, then crumbled up the actual cake onto her plate, all over the table and all over the floor. Then she took some of the crumbs and rubbed them into her face and hair!

Lordy!

Kids do the darndest things!

Pet Shop Boys singles

I've thought of another list; my favourite Pet Shop Boys singles... A top ten, if you like, though in no particular order:

Jealousy
Rent
Left to my own devices
Heart
Flamboyant
It's a sin
What have I done to deserve this?
Love comes quickly
Being Boring
So hard

Thought for the day

I would if I could.

Would you?

Hate

What do you think of this?

Has Canada really made it illegal to think bad thoughts?

I, as much as the next person, abhor racism, homophobia and all the other nasties. But should a state interfere with our thoughts?

I don't think so.

Do you know what it feels like for a girl?

My birthday happened to fall on the same day as my niece Katherine's birthday party, which, itself, was almost a week before her own birthday. Memorable events seem to have to take place on a Saturday, and if they don't, we move them.

My memorable event didn't have to be moved. My thirty fourth birthday was Saturday the third of June. I won't forget it. I've never spent my birthday in drag before. Phyllis hasn't spent my birthday (or his for that matter) in drag before. It was an arch-drag birthday - and that's fabulous.

I attended the birthday party as Our Glorious Leader as she appeared in the Hung Up video, with a few minor yet necessary alterations. The leotard was fine, but I had no desire for anyone to see my manly bulge at the front and if one bollock slipped out to the side, I'd be just mortified! So, a sarong was in order. I hope it didn't spoil the look too much.

Phyllis went as Anne from Little Britain. I won't steal his thunder and will leave it for him to tell you all about his experience on his blog.

I wasn't nervous about attending a party, predominantly full of straight people, dressed as a woman. And if I was, my excitement overshadowed my nerves! Katherine's quite open minded and so are her friends. She's been through a hippy phase and a goth phase. How many goths and hippies do you know who vote Tory?

I dressed at Kathy's house. Amy did my make up. Phyllis then soon arrived to drive me back to my Mum's house. It's only a short walk between Kathy's place and Mum's, but I didn't feel like walking the streets in daylight dressed in a pink leotard, blonde wig and heels. Anything could have happened. I might have been abducted by aliens and then they'd have got the complete wrong impression about Earth people.

Back at Mum's house, we cut the delicious birthday cake that Phyllis had made for me earlier in the day; a vanilla sponge with lemon curd filling and almond fondant icing topping. Delicious. It was a rather large cake and divided into only six portions. Our eyes were as big as our bellies, though, as no-one wasted a crumb.

Shit! It was ten to seven. We were supposed to be at the party by seven o'clock and Mum hadn't even been to the loo yet. This meant we wouldn't be leaving for at least another twenty minutes...

We were soon there. My brother-in-law, Kathy's Father, sang King Of The Road. Yes, it was a karaoke party. My heart sank. Drunk people who think they can sing, sober people who know they can't... I hoped to God that very few people would bother and the night would be left to the DJ. I was wrong, but pleasantly surprised. A fair few people sung and every other song was karaoke. Only one of the singers was exceptional and none were terrible.

Should I have a turn?

OK.

Now, I'm no singer, remember this. In fact, I'm shit. I need to give this a new spin.

I hunted through the cataloge to find something. It had to be Madonna, simply had to be. How could I sing a Kenny Rogers number dressed like this? Hung Up wasn't in there. Crap. But one other track grabbed my attention as soon as I saw it! I was soon at the front of the hall singing What It Feels Like For A Girl. I thought it was quite apt.

And the new spin? I sang it in the style of Arthur Mullard.

Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it's ok to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading because you think that being a girl is degrading. But secretly, you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you, what it feels like for a girl.

It was a fabulous party, we ate, we danced, we sang - and so did Phyllis! I'm so desperate to tell you what he sang, but I think I should leave it to him. He was the highlight of the evening, everyone agreed. I wish I could upload video here (you may be able to but I don't know how). His performance was a classic.

Kathy and her Mum (my sister) sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. They do want to have fun - and we did.

Happy Satan Day!

Today is 06/06/06 - 666 - Satan Day!

I hope you're having a thoroughly evil time.

List

I stole this from Alan...

10 Favourites

Favourite Season: Summer
Favourite Color: Blue
Favourite Time: Midnight
Favourite Food: Custard
Favourite Drink: Espresso
Favourite Ice Cream: Good quality vanilla
Favourite Place: Home
Favourite Sport: Men's diving
Favourite Actor: Divine
Favourite Actress: Edith Massey

9 Currents

Current Feeling: frustrated
Current Drink: just finished an apple juice
Current Time: 23:05
Current Show on TV: Je ne sais pas... Though I have just finished watching Big Brother's Big Mouth with Russell Brand
Current Mobile used: Some Nokia thing beginning with a 6
Current Windows Open: Just the one, but two tabs. I love tabs. I can blog and listen to Paul Miller at the same time.
Current Underwear: White Calvins
Current Clothes: Brown jeans, beige t-shirt
Current Thought: Why can't fags be good for you?

8 Firsts

First Nickname: Roysie
First Kiss: Darren House
First Crush: one of my sister's boyfriends
First Best Friend: Serena Coombs (now Trinder)
First Vehicle I Owned: Fiat Uno - I loved that car if only for its single wiper!
First Job: Chamber maid
First Date: Ray. Took me to a Chinese restaurant. I thought it was dead posh.
First Pet: Our dog, Rexy. He was a Corgi/GSD cross.

7 Lasts

Last Drink: Apple juice
Last Kiss: Phyllis
Last Meal: A Korean pancake at about 18:00
Last Web Site Visited: www.bbc.co.uk/radiosolent
Last Movie Watched: Blythe Spirit
Last Phone Call: My ol' Mum
Last TV Watched: Big Brother's Big Mouth

6 Have You Ever...

Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes. But I've yet to be caught.
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Si
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: No
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: No, though a crim once gave me a fake gun to protect myself. I told her I was afraid of being caught with it so she took it back.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: But of course!
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: Probably

5 Things

Things You Can Hear Right Now: The Paul Miller Show, the whirring of my iMac, my belly rumbling
Things You Ate Today: Salad sandwich, vanilla yogurt, packet of Ryvita Minis (sweet chilli), half a dozen mini creme eggs, Korean pancake (don't ask me to spell it), Waitrose Tiramisu
Things You Do When You Are Bored: I used to smoke, but I haven't done that in well over twenty four hours! Christ!
Things You Do For Comfort: Hold on to my dinkle or put on my pyjamas/sicky clothes/goonie. I sometimes get my blanky out, too.

4 Places You Have Been Today

Post Office
Mortonhall House
Toilet
Garage

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now:

iPod
Cellotape
Telephone

2 Choices

Salt or pepper? Salt
Hot or cold? Hot

1 Place You Want To Visit:

The equator.

Who's that girl?

Back from England

Minge and Phyllis are back from England!

I should post a shed-load of information, but I can't. I'm too tired. We were up at half past three this morning (I think - it's all a blur) and left Mum's by about four, all in order to make it to the vet by three this afternoon, which we did, with plenty of time to spare.

Not only am I tired, I've got the rats. I'm trying to give up smoking again. I went without while I was alone at my Mum's, not for long, but for three days nonetheless. I was quite ok. Not a big deal. Now, today, I've only gone without for a matter of hours, six at the most, and am feeling like a caged lion.

Gggrrr!

Most of our time was spent on the beach in Bournemouth. I'll post more when I no longer feel like taking someone's head off. For now, I'll leave you with the photograph at the head of this entry. I was made to be a porn star. How the hell did I miss my vocation?