A man with a black eye boards a plane. He notices the man next to him has a shiner, too and asks, "How did you get that?"
"Instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Tittsburgh," he replies.
"Oh," says the first guy, "I got mine like that, too. I wanted to ask my wife to pour me a bowl of frosties but I accidentally said you've ruined my life you evil cunt."