News

No romance with no finance. You've got to have a J O B if you want to be with me.

Boy, nothing in life is free.

Oh, life is too serious.

Love's too mysterious.

Good evening, dear reader and welcome to my world of insanity. On the menu this lunch time:

• Ice
• Pamela Anderson's crotch
• Old lottery tickets
• Automatic washing machine powder
• Emery boards
• Lesbianism
• Dying apes

How exciting is that? Very is the answer. So how exciting do you think the news has been today? How can one put more than very into words? Totally? Fabulously? Very, very?

A fly girl like me needs security.

Tony seems to be coming to his senses(ish). A one legged woman goes waltzing in the USA. A drug addicted single mother has yet another child. Climate change kills people shock. A Scots airline is chosen to operate an internal Welsh route. Catholics announce their hatred for gays. Margo MacDonald is value for money. A dialect is dying. I get tagged.

Yes! Tagged!

Here goes...

Name a book that you want to share so much that you keep giving away copies:

Our Betty by Liz Smith. Unashamed, enthusiastic, batty, honest... Effortless writing tinged with sadness. Liz is a splendid gay icon without the clichés. Read it and understand how it's possible to laugh and sob at the same time.

Name a piece of music that changed the way you listen to music:

Too Shy by Kajagoogoo. Up until 1983, I wasn't sure if I liked pop music outwith the realms of Abba and other Eurovision winners. Then I saw Limahl in someone's Look In. I thought he was delicious. "What time's Top Of The Pops on?" I asked. My brother nearly fell off his chair.

Watching TOTP introduced me to other artists just waiting for my addictive personality and in some small way taught me that trying new things isn't so bad - and you get to broaden your horizons.

Name a film you can watch again and again without fatigue:

Female Trouble. It's pure fabulous trash. And stars Edith Massey (check out Love Letter To Edie), Divine and Mink Stole! Could a film get any better? Yes! There's outlandish sex, murder and mis-use of eye-liner! Watch it! Go on, you know you want to!

Name a performer for whom you suspend all disbelief:

Stanley Baxter. He does a mean Queen and makes Helen Mirren look like an amateur. Click here to listen to the legend himself.

Name a work of art you'd like to live with:

Portrait of George Dyer in a mirror. I think he'd have a lot to say. I think there would be a lot I'd want to hear.

Name a work of fiction that has penerated your real life:

Sucking Sherbet Lemons by Michael Carson. It was the first book that made me really think about sexuality beyond all the usual superficiality and thereby really think about myself. It made me want to change. I did.

Name a punch line that always makes you laugh:

Gator: Hey, Taffy, Come on over here and suck your Daddy's dick.
Taffy: I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls.

From Female Trouble. Ever heard the theme song? Or the track Thunderpuss did with Edith Massey?

I said, "Come on baby take me higher. Cuz I'm dreaming of your love. I want to be your heart's desire. Light my fire. Santa Maria."

I'm tagging Alan, Alan, A Novelist, Just A Girl, Krafty Bitch, Enda, Anjou, Kapitano, Brett, Reluctant Nomad, Lewis, Bill and China.