Monday, February 19, 2007

Craven

Readers of Diary of an old cheeser will know of the author's interest in Dame Beverley of Craven and his amending her lyrics resulting in a marrow being inserted into her fanny. The readership may also know of a wild notion documented in the comments section of his Beverley post to discuss other items placed on or, indeed, inside Ms Craven.

And so, dear reader, this is where we find ourselves today.

Think of it as a cross between a fan's obsession with Beverley and the stuff on my cat website.

So now, my loves, you have a chance, in the comments section, to suggest things which could or should be placed on or in Beverley Craven. Any part and any orifice, but please make this known. This is not a competition and there will be no prize, but kudos to those with imagination.

Go on, you know you want to!

20 comments:

Minge said...

Earthworms in her nostrils.

Anonymous said...

A big spider on her belly!

matty said...

I would place a garland of daisys on her head and pretty wrist corsage purchsed from the plastic flower department at WalMart.

ucallmemadam said...

A safe. Preferably from a great height.

Harkon said...

A banana right up her twanggg.

Salty Sailor said...

Every other one hit wonder from the '80s forced into her rectum

Old Cheeser said...

Well what can I say darling Minge, you beat me to it!! Well done!!

Very glad to see you resurrecting our Bev and thanks for the copious plugs of my blog. Hopefully this will attract many more readers as utterly perverted and weird as ourselves. Plus a few Beverley Craven fans perhaps.

And I so love the way you have linked words like "marrow" and "fanny". Of course the uninitiated may need these properly explaining.

Well, as I was too chicken to set up a Bev poll on my blog, I will now contribute.

I love Salty Sailor's suggestion btw - and partly influenced by that, I would suggest:

Fellow bland diva Barbara Dickson up Bev's back passage (whilst singing "January, February").

Blond lesbo-look-a-like Yazz in her front bottom (whilst singing "The only way is up" - rather appropriate).

How's that?

Anonymous said...

A firework in her botty.

Huw said...

I think beans and pulses in her ears.

Beverley Craven said...

I'd like a nice big black cock, right up my twot!

Ellen said...

A jackhammer in her anus.

Tony said...

A tin of carrots in her mouth!

Old Cheeser said...

Oh My God!! Bev's made her own contribution!! Dirty bitch!!

Bev...is that really you??

Louise Redknapp said...

I'd like to see a bolt. Through her neck.

Minge said...

Lord above us!

Minge said...

Bev?

Old Cheeser said...

I don't think Bev can reply at the moment. She's currently inserting a marrow.

Minge said...

Lordy!

Do you think it's her, Old Cheeser?

Jesus said...

I'd like to see nails through her hands and feet.

Old Cheeser said...

I think it is indeed Ms Craven, Minge. Unless someone has found a clever way of linking comments to websites...?

On second thoughts, no. That's JUST not possible. How could I possibly have imagined that?

Undoubtedly we have tapped into the cess pit of filth that is the mind of Beverley Craven. A nation reels in shock.