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The day before my birthday was spent in outragous style, beginning, as ever, with a fabulous breakfast of coffee et des gateaux! Our former haunt having a genuine lack of custard, we were in search of vanilla, eggs and cream. The end of our odyssey was a fabulous wee bakery right near the entrance to Shinjuku station. European style pastries, bread and cakes of so many varieties were available along with pizza slices, croque-monsieur and croque-madame.
Ian loves to indulge in a bit of croque from time to time, so took advantage of this opportunity. No dead pig can ever enter my mouth, but lots of custardy cakes can! Cake after cake, choc-full of custard, fruits, chocolate...! Heaven on a plate and all washed down with a most creamy cappuccino! The Japanese really know how to create good coffee!
I'm sure the staff in the bakery/coffee shop must have been muttering things like, "Fat, greedy pigs!" under their breath, though, to our faces, they were beyond helpful and polite. The other customers, all exclusively Japanese, sat down to beakfast with a small glass of water and a tiny bread roll. Lord above us! The penny's just dropped. Do you think we were in the midst of a POW camp rôle play group?
Before leaving for Japan, I'd actually hoped we could make it to the Tokyo Edo Open Air Architectural Museum. Like walking into the past, apparently, and they even have a sento for visitors' use! Sadly, it was a wee bit out of town, quite a journey away, so we opted for the Edo Tokyo Museum instead. In a way, I'm glad we did.
The museum was like a journey through time and to my relief and amusement, contained very few pots. I hate museums crammed with pots. Pots, pots, pots and more pots. What is the bloody point? Oh, great, in the fifth century BCE, they drank out of this kind of clay pot with squiggly markings on it. Two hundred years later, the markings were square. Really? How interesting.
There were pots in the museum, yes, but were few and far between. Also, many museums, particularly in the west are more a commentary on leaders, whether they be kings, queens, queens, presidents or prime ministers. The Edo Tokyo Museum dedicated itself to old Edo, its people, their way of life and how they've changed from the days the first people pitched a tent to today. Wonderful, fascinating, enlightening. At points, I felt I was unconscious, in a dream-like state, in a trance, part of the fabric of the building. Everything else faded away, melted beneath my feet. I was in a four hundred year old theatre or polishing rice with a stick or rebuilding my home after earthquake and floods or tuning-in my first portable radio.
Everything was laid out before me. From above, from a reproduction bridge, once could see all of time and space. From below, the journey began... While Anne of Denmark was crowned queen of Scotland, Japan was united by Toyotomi Hideyoshi and Edo's story began.
Totally fabulous.
After our tour of the museum, we took lunch in the Japanese restaurant. Any British museum sees tourists as a foolish and captive audience. They're baffled with numbers, prices and currency conversions and are prepared to pay twenty pounds for a plate of greasy chips. Such abuse does not take place in Japan, at least, it's never happened to me. Ian and I enjoyed a most delicious meal of local delights freshly prepared on our giving the order and at a reasonable price, too.
The maître d' was an outlandish mary with a George Michael style beard. I'm sure there was a wee bit of westerner inside him. And hey, if there wasn't, I'm sure he'd take some. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. I have a notion, and Alan thought it too, that if Japanese men are able to grow beards, they do so. Some kind of showing off. Peacocks, as my Mother might have said. But really, dear reader, I don't mean to bitch about the man. He was very kind to us, asked if we needed a knife and fork and showed suitable facial expressions of surprise and delight when we turned his offer down and used the chopsticks provided. A battle of language, though, soon ensued. He was very keen to show off his impressive english skills, we were keen to use what little japanese we did know. Our first lesson of the day came, on leaving, when I said to our man, "Oishii!" which is japanese for delicious.
He corrected me, with a wry smile, "Oishii kat-ta des."
Obviously, these are probably very poor attempts at spelling, but the phonetics ring true.
A delightful man, really. We left with him smiling, saying, "Good-bye," and throwing a wink. To be frank, I'm surprised he didn't blow us a kiss. I'm really not being rude or sarcastic, he was such a nice guy. His kiss would have been genuine.
Marys have an uncanny way of recognising one another. Don't ask me how or why, and let's not get into the gaydar debate, but a knowing look reciprocated with something similar is all it seems to take, regardless of language or location.
After lunch and a telephone call, we made our way to Azamino to meet up with our delicious friends, Alan chan and Jun Kun. Arriving slightly early, we popped into Tully's (nothing to do with Susan) for a coffee and, quel surprise, a cake. My fourth or fifth of the day, I think. Fat pig!
Smoking is a popular hobby in Japan! I noted, though, that this seemed to be the first eatery in which I'd been where there was a designated smoking area. Most other places, if not all, were crammed with people smoking wherever they liked. As a reformed smoker, I should object to eating in a blue haze, though I actually don't. I don't mind it at all. Unlike most former smokers, I don't whine on about smoking or comment on how unhealthy it is. I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet, really, I'm not, just making a comment. Why it doesn't bother me, I'm not sure. I wondered if all this passive smoking might make me reach out for a packet of fags, but not once was I tempted, though I will admit to considering it, chiefly when I'm looking for something to do. And asking Junya for a draw on his smoke did flash through my brain, though a feel of the scar on my tongue with my teeth put pay to that.
After clearing my plate and drinking down my cappuccino, Ian and I left and waited for perhaps only thirty seconds to a minute for Alan and Junya to arrive. Perfect timing. Off to the sento we went.
Edit - in checking out some links, I came upon this. It's fabulous. The first thing a sento azamino google search throws up is Alan's Travelpod blog!
A taxi to the sento from the station was all of a fiver. Not a bad price and another arrow in my qiver, more ammunition to contradict the, "But Japan's so expensive..." argument. I'd pay the same price for a taxi ride here in Edinburgh, perhaps more.
A sento, basically, is a public bath house, a place where one will go not to swim, but to wash, in the time-honoured Japanese style with strict rules to follow. One washes with soap and water; either running water or by throwing bucket loads over oneself. After the washing and complete removal of soap, soaking takes place in very hot water and in a variety of forms: bubbles, waterfalls and even an electric current passing through l'eau! Sexes are separated, though I have, from time to time, seen young girls in the male areas with whom I presume to be their Fathers. This may be a big deal in the west and although I was uncomfortable with it, the Japanese have a wildly differing opinion to the naked body. Although the genders are separated, the naked form is not seen as something dirty, nor, I think, a thing of beauty. It's just a naked body. No big deal.
Nudism. Yes, and the ability to dispell yet another myth! Japanese men come in many different shapes and sizes, as do their cocks! We saw average ones, big ones, massive ones and tiny ones! In fact, one was so tiny, it looked like a hole! Yes, Alan and I do admit to taking a closer look from time to time. Strictly for educational purposes, of course!
After the sento, we got dressed and took a drink. My fluid intake must, I'm sure, have replaced the ounce I'd lost while bathing. I plumped for melon cream soda (it was strange) while Alan went down the traditional route with a wee bottle of milk. Milku?
From the sento, we returned to the port area of Yokohama through Sakuragicho station, met up with Alan and Junya's pals, Dan and Masumi - then went off for okonomiyaki! My favourite! Delicious! And, antibiotics all finished, washed down with copious amounts of sake!
Dan and Masumi are husband and wife; a very interesing couple and very funny. I loved chatting to them and hearing Masumi's English accent. "Who farted?" and "Home James, and don't spare the horses!" I actually thought Hyacinth Bucket was in the room!
From the okonomiyaki restaurant, we headed out to the water to watch the fireworks, part of the Perry celebrations. Very impressive. Just like the Edinburgh Hogmanay fireworks, but went on for about forty five minutes instead of the ten to fifteen I'm used to.
The colourful display over, we headed to an izakaya for drinks and nibbles. Sadly, I forgot the playing cards. I was very much looking forward to playing Scabby Queen and Cheat. We've had such fun times in Japan in the past, playing cards and drinking sake. I was really up for a repeat. Alas, ne'er mind, with the outragous company and free-flowing booze, cards were not needed for a good time. I really had the time of my life.
Our journey home was peaceful. Surprisingly few people on the train to Shinjuku. I sat, in quiet meditation, thinking of the day that had been, the day that was to come and wondering what my friends and family might be doing, scattered all over the world. Some sleeping, some going to bed, some just getting up. My birthday was only an hour away, yet at other points on the earth, it was almost a day away. Without going off on a tangent, I would like to say my mind seems, ahem, to have a mind of its own at times. At the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate of circumstances, I can sometimes think the most inappropriate things. I began to wonder about the mysteries of time and space, the idea that time does not exist, that it's just an invention by we humans to measure distance between events. I found comfort in that. In my vanity, I realised I wasn't going to be thirty five years old at all in the next hour, and even if I were, somewhere on the earth, I would be thirty four. Perhaps somewhere in the universe, I'd be thirty three. I'd be a time-traveller. If time exists, of course.
Or is thirty five just a number?
Back at the hotel, I took a shower and climed into bed. Indeed, in strictest terms, after looking at the clock, I was thirty five. Though I thought nothing of it and drifted, very rapidly, off to sleep.
I'm back! Back!! Back!!! Etc.
Having had the most amazing short break in Japan, I'm trying, now, to get my head around BST, when to get up, when to go to bed, when to eat and what year it is. The past seven or eight days seem a blur just now, but with every visit to Alan's blog and browsing through the photographs he took, the photographs I took, it's all coming back. Bit by bit.
Our journey to Tokyo was far from a nightmare, but neither was it a pleasant experience. Rising at a reasonable hour is hardly ever acceptable to me, dear reader, so imagine how I felt when the radio-alarm went off at a quarter to four in the morning of 30th May. I'll tell you how I felt - like a ghost ascending from a corpse after a rather nasty traffic accident.
The lady checking us in at Edinburgh airport was super. How people can be kind, helpful and friendly at five o'clock in the morning is beyond me, let alone apply flawless make-up. Unlike the last Edinburgh check-in, our lady was a constant smiler, asked us where we wanted to sit on the aeroplane and wished us a pleasant journey and a pleasant holiday.
The holiday was beyond pleasant, the journey was not.
Lufthansa flew us from Edinburgh to Frankfurt on what I think was a Boeing 737. The aircraft was old, scruffy and dirty - as were the cabin crew, and sour to boot. Our on-board breakfast consisted of stewed coffee, stale bread and greasy, cheap cheese. Vile.
On landing in Frankfurt, I made my way, rather hurridly, it must be said, to the retail areas of the naff, lifeless, grim, dated and dull Frankffurt airport. Plenty of CDs were available, but no Sandra, no Reflections, no The Art Of Love. Minge became sad, but was cheered slightly by the Pflaumkuchen und kaffee to be had in a delightful coffee shop with views of the apron.
It's been a few years since I've spoken German with a native speaker and was slightly nervous when ordering our coffee and cake, though I needn't have been. I was relieved, on ordering our snackette, to find the waitress not only understood me but paid me the compliment of responding to me in German asking me if Phyllis or I required milk, cream or sugar.
With only four hours in-between flights, the time spent on German soil, thankfully, passed quickly.
I was eager to see the inside of the 747 taking us to Narita. Like a child at Christmas, having asked Father Christmas for a bike, I was disappointed to receive only a roller-skate. Our second Lufthansa aeroplane of the day was just as old and scruffy as the first. The cabin crew were kurt, rude and as miserable as sin. The food was inedible and the entertainment poor. Every other long haul flight I've taken has been fabulous with video screens in the headrest of the seat in front of me; a choice of amazing movies and telelvision programmes; a moving map; games. Lufthansa provide a drop down 1970s television from the ceiling of the cabin and show the most appalling films. Anyone foolish enough to watch said movies is soon rewarded with a stiff neck.
Unable to take much more, I popped a pill and was soon fast asleep.
I couldn't wait for the eleven hour flight to end. And it surely did.
Passport control at Narita was not a fun experience, though with typical Japanese efficiency, the massive queue of three or four hundred people was dealt with in less than an hour. Customs was fun. The guy questioning me was the first to assume I was in Japan either on business or studying. My holiday revelation was greeted with raised eyebrows.
Although my mind and body thought it was still Wednesday 30th May, everything around and about me was shouting Thursday! Dazed and confused, I visited an airport shop for a bottle of chilled green tea, not only for its reassuring Japanese taste, but for the caffeine. A brief wait for the airport limosine bus and we were on our way to the Park Hyatt, Tokyo. All the green tea in Japan wasn't going to keep me awake, though, and I must confess to having dozed on the bus.







Gestern, im bilder...
I went into the city for my monthly oral check-up. I have to go back to the hospital today or tomorrow. The Doctor who treats me would like me to have a second opinion. So I'm nervous, fractious and scared for the next forty eight hours.
On arriving, I saw a woman waiting for a bus. She wore training shoes with gold detail. Seeing a ninety year old woman wearing trainers is one thing, but ones with gold detail is another! The rest of her outfit was extremely well coordinated, including a baby blue bag for contrast.
From the hospital, I took a walk along Princes Street, finding a bin on fire.
A couple of CDs were purchased in Virgin. Hailing from the westcountry, I was unashamedly drawn to a Wurzels single. The first track features Tony Blackburn, so I'll ignore it, but track two, Combine Harvester, is a delightful reminder of my boyhood. I've played it a few times since yesterday and sung along.
I bought a funky egg timer in Frasers, then popped to the top floor for a coffee and a slice of trashy lemon meringue pie. J'adored it.
Then it was time to take the bus home, enjoying the blossom in the city as I made my way to Lothian Road.
I'd only been home for a couple of hours when Ian returned home from work. We didn't hang around the house, but went immediately for a walk with the dogs across The Meadows and Bruntsfield Links, stopping for chips on the way. Mine came with white pudding, Ian had breaded scampi.
When in a state of melancholy, the filling of the mind with anything but the matters at hand is a good idea, dear reader, at least until one has mustered the strength to cope.
I'd been looking through old photographs on iPhoto when I came across the above image, dear reader.
I don't seem to have many photographs of Ian and I. I'm either taking a picture of him or he's taking a picture of me. The photographs of him and I together are few and far between, the good ones, even fewer. But this photograph is one of the few that I have that's both good and of Ian and I. Even though I look slightly insane (which I am).
I am very lucky to have Ian in my life. He's the most thoughtful, kind, considerate, loving, supportive, generous, funny, witty, gorgeous and surprising man. And he's beautiful on so many levels. I love him with all my heart and all my soul. Even better than that, he loves me. He's just too good to be true.
Sometimes, when I think about my baby, I ascend into such a state of euphoria, I genuinely believe I'm tripping. My heart starts missing a beat.
Without trying to sound smug, I'm truly confident that my days on this earth will end with Ian. I've never been sure about much in life, but I'm sure about that. What a wonderful sense of security. He's like a beautiful, warm duvet that I can snuggle into and know it's never going to be taken away from me. No, no, never.
So, you should have filled the sick bucket by now... Sorry!
I'd like to share with you, my little maid, three songs which I associate with Ian:
Embraceable you
Dream a little dream of me
and
Lose your way
Each one has a very deep meaning for me.
Which songs do you associate, my lamb, with boyfriends and/or girlfriends, past and present?
I can tell, by your eyes, that you've probably been crying for ever, dear reader.
I've been up, down, round and round - and then through the loop. I am human macramé. And as I said to Andrew Ridgeley in Paris, August 1988, "What's the point in pretending to be a length of rope if you can't get knotted?" From metaphor to cliché in one easy step. Yay.
The Prozac made me feel like my feet were in blocks of concrete and my head in the clouds. Simply put, I honestly felt like I might have fallen off of the planet if the wind had blown. A very bizarre sensation, I can tell you. Then, thanks to Barry from the Lake District, I've had a dreadful chest infection to put up with. I'm still talking like Bonnie Tyler sings (though without the mid-Atlantic Welsh accent) and trying to cough up a gold watch.
It's all gone horribly wrong, dear reader.
But there are some good things in the world. Things to celebrate:
Ian and I moved in together on this day in 2000. Seven years is a long time, my lamb, and there's not an itch to be had. We're just going to stay in tonight, eat spaghetti, drink wine and talk about the time we've been together. My favourite part (though, obviously, this was before we moved in together) was the day we first met. I got into Ian's car to go over to his flat here in Edinburgh, he reached across and kissed me. Right on the lips. I was really taken by surprise and what a fabulous surprise!
I am more in love with my delicious boyfriend today than ever before and am so licky* to have him. Here's to the next seven years, my little maid. What a shame it can't be seven decades. I expect we'll be long dead by then.
*What a Freudian slip! I've left licky as is, just so you can see how my torrid little mind works, dear reader. Of course, I should have typed lucky.

My gorgeous beau and I took a trip into West Lothian on Monday. Phyllis had documents to hand in to his accountant in Bathgate and I had Doctor Who DVDs to purchase so a detour to Livingston was organised.
Being so close to our old home in Armadale, we couldn't resist going for a wee keek. Sadly, I wish we hadn't. The people who bought our house are not looking after it and haven't touched the garden since arriving. I felt quite downhearted after that. Thankfully, though, it didn't last long. After a short walk around our old clu-de-sac, we thought we'd take my ladies for a walk on their old route. They knew exactly where to go. What memories they have! Oh, and we met Megan and her Mother. I couldn't beleive the fact that we'd bumped into her. Megan was barking at Meg and Mary, but, as usual, they weren't bothered.
"You can't keep away from the place!" said Megan's Ma.
I asked her how she was. She was fine, but Megan, apparently, was still crabbit. And nearly seventeen years old! Lord above us. That's some age for a Border Collie. Sadly, she does nothing much but sleep all day and has to go for a wee-wee at least twice during the night. Aw. Sounds like Minge.
Relax.