Monday, September 03, 2007


Ian and I headed out into the city on the evening of Sunday last to watch the firework display accompanied by the Scottish Chamber Orchestra which officially marks the end of the International Festival and unofficially marks the end of the festival season here in Edinburgh.

In order to find the ideal spot for viewing, we arrived a good ninety minutes before the show was due to begin, but even then our choices were limited. Standing close to the barrier on Princes Street (at the foot of Frederick Street), a woman rose from her deck chair some two metres away, approached us and asked us to move.

"I've been here since four o'clock and I want to stand there," she said.

What a cheek.

She could have been there all day for all I care. Whole swathes of street are not reservable. I stayed put. Still, I was as polite and accomodating as possible and did not set about to (as she'd begun to) place personal objects about myself in some kind of demarkation exercise.

She was a very rude madam. She constantly nudged me as if I were either not there or shouldn't be. After less than twenty minutes and having been joined by a very nice woman and her Mother at the barrier, the madam made some sly comment about my presence. Both the nice woman and the Mother raisd their eyebrows at me. I took this as reassurance that disapproval of the madam's words and actions were appropriate and that some action should be taken.

Ian and I had eaten some home made vegetable soup at lunchtime. Root vegetables give me awful wind. Awful in some circumstances, fabulous in others. This, dear reader, was one of those other times. I felt a pressure in my lower bowel and hung on to it as long as I could before turning to point my bottom in the madam's direction and letting out the loudest fart of the day. And the fumes, I should say, were noxious.

"You dirty pig!" said madam.

I said nothing.

I may be a dirty pig, but I'm not a rude and selfish cunt, I thought to myself.

The fireworks were marvellous. A real spectacle. Forty five minutes of wild colours, bangs and beautiful music. I took a few photographs but most of them were terrible. I'm new to the world of DSLRs and am still learning and experimenting. I uploaded the best of the few that turned out reasonably well to Flickr. Click here if you wish to see them, my love.


Just a Girl said...

Hee hee!!!

And you got a DSLR???

FiL said...

Hee hee!! What a wonderful use of gastric gas! I hope her clothes were permeated for days...