Excited

I'm so excited, I could vomit, dear reader!

Yesterday, Phyllis and I shopped until we dropped. Shirts, polo tops, trousers, shorts - and a camera (early birthday present)! With only a few more things to buy, I think we can start packing tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Then we shall be ready for the off. The land of the rising sun awaits.

This trip is less a holiday, more a metamorphosis. On leaving the UK, I shall be twenty eight years old. On my return, I shall be twenty seven! On leaving the UK, my bathroom with be vile with dusky pink hues. On my return, it will be white with funky, iridescent accent colours. On leaving the UK, I shall be eleven stones and ten pounds. On my return, I shall weigh at least thirteen.

Change, my dear.

I have so much to look forward to. I'll be seeing Alan, Junya and their puppies! I'll be staying in the Park Hyatt, Tokyo! I'll be going to an oxygen bar! I'll be going to Disneyland, Tokyo! I'll be visiting the Harajuku girls! I'll be getting drunk in an izakaya! I'll be getting a bum wash! I'll be having tea with the Emperor! I'll be eating tofu! I'll be drinking green tea!

I wonder if anyone will show me their manko this time? I've been exposed to at least one on my previous visits. I've also seen masturbation, a man on the street with his cock out and a woman sat on the bog having a shit. These, my little maid, are the highlights for me. I hope I have similar things to report on my return.

I love Japan. As I've often said, it's as close as I'll ever get to visiting another world. I love the V signs the locals make with their fingers when having a photograph taken, their shyness, the giggles of embarrassment with teeth masked by hands, the funky fashions, the streets free of chewing-gum and rubbish, the Shinto temples, the dogs in fancy dress, the art, the music (especially J-Pop) and the tiny school children who love to say, "Hello, how are you?"

Such utter fabulousness.

Oh and Frankfurt am Main en route where I'll hopefully be buying Reflections and The art of love. Interestingly, Sandra's first ever single was Japan ist weit (Japan is far). Click here to hear it (there is no video) on You Tube.

I'm waiting in the darkness. Every heartbeat is an SOS.

Missing the start of Big Brother, however, is not fabulous. I'm hoping and praying I'll be able to see the first seven days of material via 4OD/Virgin Media on my return, along with The Family Of Blood.

Sad, I know.

Doctor Haikwho

It's Saturday, dear reader. For Brian and I, this means only two things:

Haiku Saturday

and

Doctor Who

Haiku Saturday has gone ahead as usual. Doctor Who should go ahead as usual. There's a vile and overtly heterosexual football match going on today between Watford and Manchester United, exclusively live on BBC1. Manchester United are currently in the lead. It's Watford 1, Man U 2. If Watford score another goal before the ninety minutes are up, the game will go into extra time and Doctor Who will be cancelled. Well, postponed until next week.

I'm sick with worry.

I'm so upset, I can't think of a Haiku. Pray for me, dear reader, that Saturday unfolds in a fabulous fashion, and not a crappy one. I want Doctor Who. I want Haiku. I want it all, and I want it now. I hope God's in a good mood.

Aunty

Sir/Madam

When a UK-wide general election is taking place, one expects the election coverage to take centre stage in the national news and it usually does.

When English council elections take place, the national news usually features English council elections stories. Sadly, the Scottish parliamentary and Welsh Assembly elections don't seem to get a mention. Worse than that, this evening, coverage of the election to the Scottish Parliament only began five minutes into Reporting Scotland and after the first of the two sports reports.

Obviously, someone in an editorial position is obsessed with sport and isn't all that bothered about the future of Scotland. I feel I can speak for the majority here and say that sports stories are not more important than the way Scotland is governed and/or by whom.

A word of congratulation, though, in finally airing the Weakest Link Doctor Who Special. Better late than never.

I see, though, that because of the English FA cup semi-final, Doctor Who might be postponed for seven days. This is totally unacceptable. I pay my TV licence fee as much as any football fan. Doctor Who has been advertised as being shown on Saturday at 19:40 for over a week. I will and do insist on getting what I've paid for. As no-one in Scotland will particularly care which way the Watford v Manchester Utd game goes, could you not agree to show Doctor Who north of the border regardless to events taking place in England?

Thanks, awfully -

Roy

Monday

My gorgeous beau and I took a trip into West Lothian on Monday. Phyllis had documents to hand in to his accountant in Bathgate and I had Doctor Who DVDs to purchase so a detour to Livingston was organised.

Being so close to our old home in Armadale, we couldn't resist going for a wee keek. Sadly, I wish we hadn't. The people who bought our house are not looking after it and haven't touched the garden since arriving. I felt quite downhearted after that. Thankfully, though, it didn't last long. After a short walk around our old clu-de-sac, we thought we'd take my ladies for a walk on their old route. They knew exactly where to go. What memories they have! Oh, and we met Megan and her Mother. I couldn't beleive the fact that we'd bumped into her. Megan was barking at Meg and Mary, but, as usual, they weren't bothered.

"You can't keep away from the place!" said Megan's Ma.

I asked her how she was. She was fine, but Megan, apparently, was still crabbit. And nearly seventeen years old! Lord above us. That's some age for a Border Collie. Sadly, she does nothing much but sleep all day and has to go for a wee-wee at least twice during the night. Aw. Sounds like Minge.

Relax.