Jones

It's been five days, dear reader, since I saw Smith and Jones for the first time.

I have mixed feelings about it.

As with the first episode of the first series featuring Billie Piper, Smith and Jones is all about the assistant. I complained back in 2005, after seeing Rose, that the series should be renamed Rose Tyler. I feel like complaining, now, that the series be renamed Martha Jones And Her Annoying Family. However, I'm not going to do that as I very soon warmed to Rose as played by Billie. I might yet warm to Martha. I hope I do. Disliking an assistant is not good. My dislike for Mel ultimately meant me not watching most of Doctor Who during the late 1980s. Don't get me wrong, bird, I don't dislike Bonnie Langford, far from it! J'adore her! But Mel... Mel was an annoying bint. Marry her up with Sylvester McCoy and you've got a marriage made in hell.

Sadly, Martha already displays annoying traits and the tenth Doctor is sometimes manic and ridiculous, as the seventh Doctor was. I'm praying and keeping everything crossed, my little maid, hoping that things aren't about to take a nose-dive.

Doctor Who has, since its reinvigoration by Russell shiTforbrains Davies, become something of a soap opera. I'm pulled in two different directions over this. The overtly contemporary human element means the audience is able to connect with the characters more so, perhaps, than they were able to in the original series. Of course, the contemporary human element means soap opera. Take away the soap elements, the viewing figures may drop, followed by the programme itself. Having said that, I like sci-fi rooted in the real world, and we're certainly getting that, though, sadly, I feel, at the expense of experimental, even geeky sci-fi.

RTD is very good at recycling. Names, events, stories in general... This only proves a lack of imagination. The first episode of the last series centred around a hospital. Rose was from London, Donna was a Londoner as is Martha. Anyone might think RTD had ended his obsession with all things Welsh. Think again. Martha's surname is Jones.

I don't like all these constant animal aliens we're bombarded with. Taking contemporary earth animals and somehow developing them into aliens also proves a lack of imagination. Cats, rhinos, pigs... I hear the talking cats are to make a reappearance this time around.

It's such a shame.

The Sarah Jane Adventures was much better. I watched it for the third or fourth time last week and really liked it. It's clear that RTD is better at writing for children than for a family audience. Also, being the boss of Doctor Who might be his bag, but writing for it is not.

If he were a chef, Gordon Ramsay would tell RTD to get out of the kitchen and never come back. Well, hang that, he'd probably say, "Fuck off, you cunt. And never darken my door again."

Smith And Jones wasn't all bad, though! The story was good, well executed, the special effects were fabulous, monsters believable - and Anne Reid! Camp and evil, all at the same time! What a character, what an actress!

I'm actually aching for next Saturday already. I just like a moan, really, you see. I'd give Smith And Jones a score of 8.5/10. Not many get a ten, but they include The Runaway Bride, Doomsday, The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances and The Parting Of The Ways.

Before closing, Old Cheeser has a lot to say about Smith And Jones. Click here to read it, my darling.

Oh, and one last question:

When the hospital was sitting on the moon, from where did it get its electricity?