I confess

Confiteor Deo omnipotenti vobis fratres, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo, opere, et omissione, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

I once stole chocolate from my brother's coat pocket.

I am a slothful glutton.

I was once consumed with avarice.

As a teenager, I would masterbate, at length, many times a day.

I have known vanity. And pride. I thought I needed no-one and that I couldn't fail. I was so wrong.

I've been known to tell people I like them, whereas, if the truth be known, I've hated their guts and sometimes wished them dead.

I am envious of people with hair. Lots of hair.

I've been known to have lustful thoughts.

I am greedy.

I say Christ a lot. In a bad way.

I've been shopping on a Sunday.

By my consumption of animal products, I am guilty of murder.

I have disobeyed both my Parents.

I have been shoplifting.

I've spread gossip.

I was jealous of a very popular boy in school and coveted his very smart, very fashionable, trousers and blazer.